For the Lives of Prison Wives

Prison Life

Let’s Do the Damn Thing for Prison Families!!

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So I did a damn thing…

Before I tell you the damn thing I did, let me tell you why I did it. I’ll start by sharing little of my story just incase you haven’t heard how or why supporting prison wives is such a major part of my life.

My husband was arrested in 2005.  I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was two years old.  We (my fiancé at the time and me) thought he would be able to bond out of jail. Well!! We were wrong!!! That 2005 day in March was the last time I saw my fiancé free. He ended up serving 14yrs of a 22.5 yr sentence.  Long story short, I learned soooo much while I stayed by his side.  I learned about myself, my husband, the system, the roller coaster emotions that come with the prison wife journey. I learned about parenting while he was incarcerated, how to cope without staying in a state of depression, prison marriage (we got married in prison), and so much more but most importantly, God.  That was how we got through!!

My family made it through 14.5 yrs of incarceration and separation.  There were days I just didn’t think that we would.  On our last day of visitation, I walked away happy for us but sad for so many other families.  This is why I chose to continue to support prison wives (Loyal Ladies).  I couldn’t walk away knowing I may be able to help another family stay together.

The damn thing…

This is why I’m asking for your help!!  For the Lives of Prison Wives has entered a FedEx Small Business Grant Contest.  I’m asking you to please vote for us so the that we can fund various products and services that will help keep families together through incarceration. As of now, we have an online support group via facebook; a curriculum for prison marriages; subscription boxes for Loyal Ladies and soon children of incarcerated parents; prison wife apparel; and, my book Prayers of a Prison Wife.  My family has also become advocates for criminal justice reform.

Voting ends on March 24th.  You can vote one time per 24hrs. So please vote and share with as many people that you can.  It’s time for society to stop judging us and support our Loved Ones.  They are human beings that deserve to be loved by their families despite their choice and location. We are families, and children of incarcerated parents deserve to know they’re loved regardless of distance.

It’s our time to SHOW UP and SHOW OUT for prison families!!
1 in 2 adults in the U.S. have experienced incarceration in their family. ~ FAMM 
About 1.7 million children have a parent behind bars. ~ PEW

How you can do the damn thing…

Click the link here to vote for For the Lives of Prison Wives

Small Business Grant Contest (fedex.com)

Hebrews 13:3 3Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

Danielle Steele Williams

How to Get Through the Holidays With a Loved One in Prison

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The most wonderful time of the year isn’t so wonderful for everybody.  The holidays are reminders to many of the people they love and miss the most.  Holidays just aren’t the same when you can’t have certain Loved Ones home with you to share the winter weather, holiday movies, good hot chocolate, and just the whole holiday ambiance.

I remember my first year without my husband being home for the holidays.   I cried the throughout the holidays.  I tried to be happy for my kids but all I could think about was him not being there to see them open their gifts.  Not only did I cry throughout the day, I had to get myself together enough for company.  Oh, did I mention  company were relatives and friends that had their Boothang and everythang! Insert rolling eye emoji here with a sigh… Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my folks.  But at that time it was like I’m already hurting. Now life just has to be rubbed and rubbed in my face.

I tried to do the best I could to cover up the emotional roller coaster I was on.  But the way my facials set up, it was always an epic fail especially with my momma… well my daddy… well my sister and brother-in-law… Well…hell, back to what I said. EPIC FAIL!! The first few years I think good ol’ Stevie Wonder would’ve been able to read my facial expressions.

But you know what would change all of that? Those holiday phone calls!!

When I would get my phone calls I had a sense of holiday normalcy.  And on top of that, we got extra minutes during the holiday!!  Do you not know what extra minutes means to a Prison Wife or Prison Family?!?! We got to spend some part of the holiday together!! We shared what we were in the kitchen cooking up, how the kids reacted to their Christmas, the big fed meal my Mister got to eat. He would be so excited about that meal.  I would get jealous when he would end the convo to go eat. Like really bruh?  

If he didn’t end the convo to go eat, of course we were reminded that we were still on prison time when that big mouth count down lady would tell us “you have 5 mins remaining”… Girrrll we know…can you be merry on Christmas?!?  Her voice would send me right down the roller coaster back into sadness before we even hung up the phone.  We both were the same for the first few years during holidays until there was a shift.

I honestly don’t know when the shift took place but I do remember my Mister calling and hearing me down.  He let me know he was ok and he wanted me to be happy and enjoy the family.  Plus it wasn’t fair for my family to look up and see me down just to bring them down.

I really didn’t intend on telling all of this.  I was just going to share a few tips but I hope our story can help you during this time.

Here are a few getting through the holiday tips:

  1. Do a Mindset shift!! Have a grateful mindset. As clichéish as it sounds it could definitely be worse especially in these times we’re living in.  Think of the things that you are grateful for about your Loved One
  2. If you have to do a little something everyday to be happy, Do It!  (treat yourself i.e. movie, me time, girl night, etc.)
  3. Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays.
  4. Do not carry the guilt of your Loved One not being there for the holidays.
  5. Fix his fave dish to add to Christmas dinner
  6. If you go around family/friends, be happy! Remember, it’s not fair to them to be gloom and doom ALL day.
  7. If you talk to your Loved One, uplift each other. Have fun. He/She wants to hear you happy.
  8. Something I wish I would’ve done…Do a 12 Days of Christmas letters
  9. A Loyal Lady from our support group suggested lighting a candle
  10. Do a Christmas Photoshoot
  11. Buy an early Christmas  gift. (No matter when your LO comes home it’ll be fun to watch he/she open it.)
  12. Have your Loved One call while you’re opening gifts (especially if you have children)
  13. Play your fave Christmas songs in the background.
  14. Don’t be too pissed at the countdown lady. She’s just doing her job.
  15. Remember Live, Laugh, Love!!

What are you planning to do to get through the holidays?

Happy Holidays!!!

~Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

I Can’t Breathe & I’m In Prison

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Picture of Willie "Fareed" Fleming

Willie "Fareed" Fleming

In America, we’re hearing the phrase “I can’t breathe” way too often these days.  We normally hear it as life is taken from unarmed African American males at the hands of racists officers.  There’s another place “I can’t breathe” is being heard.  That’s in our prisons.  I can’t breathe is being yelled by those dying to officers as well as those dying to the cornavirus.  Check out this unbelievable, heartwrenching story of an incarcerated Loved One, Wille “Fareed” Fleming as he battled coronavirus behind the prison wall…

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art
with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” – Psalm 23:4 

When I was a little boy in Sunday school memorizing that verse back in the 60ty’s, I envisioned
a slim pathway between two mountains, boulders or something that was way out in the middle of
nowhere; and in a place where a lion or bear- or even a human enemy would be tracking me and
trying to take me out. I never would have thought that the predator would be the coronavirus.
Forty days ago, the coronavirus arrived at the Wynne Prison Unit in Huntsville, TX. We knew it
was here because men started falling out and everyone was manifesting the symptoms that were
being warned about on television such as dry coughing, fever, an inability to breathe and extreme
fatigue.

The first order was to socially distance. Well, how do you do that in prison? Especially on a unit
where the cells are 8X10 feet and shared with a cellmate and the showers are communal.
Nonetheless, the practice of “socially distancing” started on April 3rd. I know because I was
scheduled to go give a sermon that day in the chapel and we all had to readjust to meet the social
distance guidelines. The Chaplain and I were in his office talking and going over the sermon
notes when he started coughing and feeling fatigued. Three weeks later, he died from the
coronavirus.

I knew I had contracted it from him and by this time I was beginning to have few symptoms, as
was the whole wing where I was housed. My cellmate, who was twenty years younger than me,
had foot bruises and a dry cough which he thought were as a result of the virus. Every one up
and down the row of 28 cells felt that they had some type of symptom and then people started
passing out, falling down and yelling that they couldn’t breathe.

We would go to bed listening to see who was coughing the worst. We would ask, “Has Mike
made it back from Memorial Hermann?”(The hospital that most were rushed to.) Then we began
to notice the list of names just kept getting longer, and longer and longer. “Does anybody know
what happened to Bell, Rock, Phil, Jay, Howard, Milton, Flacco,the Irishman, Chi-town, G-Man,
Lil Man, Tiny, Bryan College Station, East Texas, Fifth Ward, Johnny Cochran? Man, there are
too many of us missing and the chaplain is dead!” The news said that there were 12 of “us” who
were dead. The rumors spread as quickly as the virus and the next then that happened was the
new name for the cell block- “The Death Block.”

I refused to entertain any negativity.

I woke up in the morning praying and reading the Word and fasting to stay spiritually strong; but
my dry cough wouldn’t stop. My chest was hurting slightly and I couldn’t smell anything. I was
always waiting for things to get just a little worse before I sounded the alarm.
Then, on April 28th, the officials started doing targeted testing for guys that were in the
vulnerable population. I was one of the ones tested.

I finally broke and told my wife, although I never told her about the symptoms because I
couldn’t have her worrying; but when I took the test I knew it would come back positive and it
did. They moved all of the offenders positive with the coronavirus to a block all by ourselves.
None of us were looking the other men in the eye. It was as if we were all being marshalled
together to die.

No sooner than we got settled in, the calls for help began. “I can’t breathe.”
Another man was having a heart attack and despair and depression had consumed the whole cell
block.

Mail quit coming, the officers working our block were donned in space suits and looked at us as
if we were already dead. The only food we received were sandwiches that were cold,
non-nutritious and never delicious. Then the water got turned off for five days due to a broken
pipe. It was as low as it gets. One day, I was in my cell writing my son a letter reminding him of
everything I ever taught him and the Holy Spirit quickened me to get up and start shadow
boxing.

I started swinging at the unseen enemy.

I fought him for about 30 minutes and then started doing a regimen of push-ups and other
exercises until I was dripping with sweat and I heard the verse, “ Yea though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I heard that verse as I had never heard it
before. DAvid said, “AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF
DEATH,” not as I am overcome in the valley. Not respective of how death’s tail struck me on
the left cheek, but how I WALKED THROUGH, fearing now evil and taking comfort with his
rod (The Word) and his staff (The Holy Spirit).

I have made it through the valley, but death was on my every side. Many have passed away and
their faces are still fresh in my mind, but God saved me, covered me, guided me through and I
am grateful and thankful. I don’t know if all of the guys that were taken away are dead or just
being housed somewhere else, but I know they deserve to be checked on, remembered and
forgiven for many were redeemed and have regenerated their lives. They are great examples of
new creatures reconciled back to God.

Signed,
Willie “Fareed” Fleming

While the First Step Act is Stalled, the Fight for Our Families Continue

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As the summer comes to an end, I can’t help but reflect back on a trip that has truly opened my eyes even more to the injustices of the justice system and will forever be with me.  My children had the opportunity to share a quick glimpse of there life without their dad due to incarceration.  Let me put out this disclaimer before I get started.  Yes, their father committed a crime and in no way am I saying he didn’t deserve the time.  I am saying, and several other families affected by these extremely harsh sentences, are saying is  just that…the sentences are extremely harsh!!  If you do the crime do the time, but does the time fit the crime?!? 

But guess what?  This trip was not about the time fitting the crime.  Yes, families would love to hear that Congress has taken steps to reform sentencing.  However, this trip was to advocate for small changes, first steps, that would make a huge difference in the lives of those affected by incarceration.  Take a look at some of those actions:

Adjusts good time credit calculation 

Requires BOP to put lower-risk, lower-needs people in home confinement

Requires the BOP to place prisoners within 500 driving miles, not air miles, of home

Reforms the BOP’s compassionate release process

Authorizes $50 million in funding per year for 5 years

Gives incentives to prisoners who cannot earn time credits for completing rehabilitative programs

Requires BOP to help people get government identification

Reauthorizes an elderly prisoner early release pilot program

Bans shackling of pregnant women

Expands Federal Prison Industries

Requires BOP to expand programs quickly

Click the link for more details of the First Step Act

On July 11th and 12th I heard so many unbelievable stories of famililes that are struggling from day to day as they try to make their lives as normal as possible.  But for once, we were able to sit and talk freely with out worrying about judgment from people who just simply don’t understand because they haven’t experienced this life.  We were able to compare stories, give advice, listen to advice, give each other hope all while fighting for just treatment for our loved ones.  That’s all we’re asking for.  Just and humane treatment!  

There were familes that represented each one of the actions mentioned in the First Step Act.  From those affected by distance, to the gutwrenching stories of being shackled while bringing life into the world to dieing alone without having loved ones by your side after they fought and fought for Compassionate Release.

From being given freedom after a sentence reduction, to getting that freedom snatched from you after re-entering society based on a “mistake” the system made even after living up to the expectations society has put in place after overcoming the many obstacles felons face after release.  From hearing how my kids (who represent several children of incarcerated parents) are affected from the absence of a father  to hearing a man that was once a child missing his father and is now that man that my son hopes he doesn’t have to be … A man that missed his father as a child that continues to miss his father as a man.

 

From a daughter who misses her father and yearns to have a relationship outside of prison walls to a grown woman and her family fighting to get her father home to be by his side while his health is quickly deteriorating.  From wives and significant others that couldn’t do anything but let go and cry because they have to lives as strong women and they were simply tired of being strong to mothers trying to decide the best time to talk to their children about their incarcerated parent.   

Just remember as your reading, these are not just stories…these are lives.  But not only were there stories of hurt but there were also stories of hope!  Stories of those that were incarcerated, or who have family members who are/have been incarcerated that have now devoted their lives to helping those incarcerated.  From those who have a learned to use their gift to help others all while expressing their pain to those that are demonstrating through their everyday lives that incarceration doesn’t have to hinder you, it can be used to heighten you.

After hearing the many stories at FAMM’s (Families Against Mandatory Minimums) “Families for Justice Reform Now Rally”, we were able to unwind as we had dinner together at one of DC’s infamous spots, Busboys and Poets.  I learned that this was the restaurant that President Obama invited a few former inmates that received clemency under his administration. Talking and laughter filled the room, and we had a good time for our loved ones.  We never forgot them, as this was about them.  My son’s 13th birthday was that day!  He was surprised with singing and a birthday cupcake from our FAMMilies.  After dinner ended, we were quickly reminded of our big day that was ahead of us as lobbyists.

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On the morning of July 12th, we boarded the bus and traveled to the U.S. Capitol.  After signing in, we were led to a room for training and then divided into groups by the state which we were from.  For many of us, this was a first.  We joined our team leader a traveled through the Capitol to have our first meeting with our US Senators Richard Shelby’s Staffers and our Second meeting with Senator Doug Jones.

 

 Of course, there was some nervousness being that we didn’t quited know what to expect.  We entered each of their offices and were led to a table where we took turns lobbying for the First Step Act.  We all shared our stories and concerns in hopes of making enough of an impact for our elected officials to at least take a look and consider the First Step Act, and to remember our stories and the many we were there representing that are like us.  We won’t know how much of an impact was made until the First Step Act is brought to the Senate Floor.

 

The First Step Act passed the House of  Representatives with an overwhelming 360 “yes” votes and 59 “no” votes!  Thanks to the many congrassmen and women like Senator Rand Paul (R-KY),  Representative Bobby Scott, Representative Doug Collins (R-GA) and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI). The passing of the First Step Act demonstrates that there is a great need for criminal justice reform being that this act had major bipartisan support.   As of today, the First Step Act is at a halt in the Senate due to Senate Leadership and the Department of Justice, particularly, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, being opposed to this minimal but major reform.  While the First Step Act is stalled, the fight for our families continue!

 

With that said, I’d like to thank FAMM Families Against Mandatory Minimums for all they’ve done and continue to do in the fight for our incarcerted loved ones.

10 Reasons Prison Visits Make The Mister Woosah

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So I asked The Mister to come up with his 10 reasons prison visits make him “woosah”… my words.   He didn’t think he could get a good five but here’s what he came up with.  He asked me to “spice it up” but I decided just to give his words.

1. Getting away from all these dudes.

2. Seeing the people who love me.

3.  Being in my honey’s arms.

4.  Seeing how much my offspring have grown.

5.  Enjoying good meaningful conversations.

6.  Eating my chicken wings.

7.  Just being away from all the prison politics and activities.

8.  Feeling like me again.

9.  Being able to tell my wife how beautiful she is.

10.  Confessing my love and gratitude for my wife.

10 Reasons Prison Visits Make Prison Wives Woosah from the Mrs.

After reading his list and seeing how similar our lists are I couldn’t help but laugh.  Prison Visits are EVERYTHING to both family/friends of the incarcerated and to the incarcerated loved one.  It allows us the opportunity to just simply be us!