For the Lives of Prison Wives

For the Lives of Prison Wives

DMX, His Ruff Ryde, and Resurrection

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Happy Easter!! This DMX Interview!! … It’s time to talk. Just like Jesus was buried and rose from the dead. It’s time for us to “bury” our problems the right way so we can resurrect to be the people God created us to be.  You may think I’m reaching and you’re wondering what in the world does DMX have to do with the Resurrection? Well, let me tell you.

After watching one of his old interviews this morning, it made me think about how people are hurting and don’t know how to deal with their pain.  That interview, though so short, said so much. I love DMX for speaking his facts! If you agree with him or not, you know where he stands.

Life has its painful moments.  When we don’t deal with the pain the right way it will show up again and again and again. When it shows up, it can cause even more pain to you and to the ones around you simply because the pain was not “buried” the right way.  Just like Jesus was buried and resurrected, we have got to learn how to “bury” our problems the right way so we can be “resurrected” as the people God created us to be.

Jesus died for our sins.  So if you’re in pain from your own sins and you believe in God then know that you are forgiven. We, as humans, can be quick to judge but slow to forgive. Talk to God and ask Him to help you forgive you of your sins. If you don’t know how to talk to Him, simply ask Him to guide you to the right earthly person to talk to. That person may be a relative, friend, pastor, or counselor.

If you’re in pain from the sins that someone else committed against you, talk to Him about it. Ask Him to help you forgive that person/people that caused you pain. If you don’t know how to talk to Him, simply as Him to guide you to the right earthly person to talk to. Again, that person may be a relative, friend, pastor, or counselor.

We are human and God understands that. So if you’re one to hold grudges and can’t seem to get past the pain get help to get past the pain.  Forgiveness will help free you from the pain and sometimes we just can’t do it alone. Remember Jesus on the cross and how he forgave those that caused Him pain. Luke 23:34 Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

DMX is a whole grown man!! But it’s the pain from his childhood that broke him down in his interview.  It’s pain from his childhood that has caused him to cause pain. It’s the pain from his childhood that scares him the most. It’s the pain from his childhood that may have caused him to inflict the same pain that was inflicted on him. It’s the pain from his childhood that he realized needed to be dealt with in order to heal. There are a whole lot of DMXes in the world.  A whole lot of Ruff Ryders that have taught themselves how to cope the best way they know how with the Ruff Ryde life has dealt them. 

One thing DMX realized is that the Ruff Ryde has to be talked about.  Unfortunately, learned that later in life. This goes for all people, but especially my black people, because a lot of us think it’s something wrong with getting help for the things that make us sick mentally.  So many of us love God but run from counseling. If you love God, you know that He is the “Wonderful Counselor!”  Isaiah 9:6…and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. So why are we running from counsel?

Getting counseling is one of the best things I’ve done for me. I was that person that didn’t know how to go to God for help but I did ask Him to guide me to the right person.  (Yeah, I grew up in church. But growing up in church, knowing the bible, and being a faithful servant has nothing to do with having a relationship with God). He did just that. He led me to a biblical counselor. She spoke to me about my problems in a way I understood. She also spoke to God about my problems for me when I couldn’t. She listened for me when I didn’t know how to listen to Him and relayed the right message and tools to me to get through my Ruff Ryde. As I type this message, it just hit me that she was my intercessor and Jesus interceded for her on our behalf.  

It’s amazing how listening to DMX sharing his story reminded me of what resurrection is about.  I pray that DMX is healed and able to share his story and encourage others to talk about their problems to the right people so they can experience the benefits of the resurrection…being forgiven, having a true intercessor, never being alone, and eternal life!! Happy Resurrection Day!!

Let’s Do the Damn Thing for Prison Families!!

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So I did a damn thing…

Before I tell you the damn thing I did, let me tell you why I did it. I’ll start by sharing little of my story just incase you haven’t heard how or why supporting prison wives is such a major part of my life.

My husband was arrested in 2005.  I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was two years old.  We (my fiancé at the time and me) thought he would be able to bond out of jail. Well!! We were wrong!!! That 2005 day in March was the last time I saw my fiancé free. He ended up serving 14yrs of a 22.5 yr sentence.  Long story short, I learned soooo much while I stayed by his side.  I learned about myself, my husband, the system, the roller coaster emotions that come with the prison wife journey. I learned about parenting while he was incarcerated, how to cope without staying in a state of depression, prison marriage (we got married in prison), and so much more but most importantly, God.  That was how we got through!!

My family made it through 14.5 yrs of incarceration and separation.  There were days I just didn’t think that we would.  On our last day of visitation, I walked away happy for us but sad for so many other families.  This is why I chose to continue to support prison wives (Loyal Ladies).  I couldn’t walk away knowing I may be able to help another family stay together.

The damn thing…

This is why I’m asking for your help!!  For the Lives of Prison Wives has entered a FedEx Small Business Grant Contest.  I’m asking you to please vote for us so the that we can fund various products and services that will help keep families together through incarceration. As of now, we have an online support group via facebook; a curriculum for prison marriages; subscription boxes for Loyal Ladies and soon children of incarcerated parents; prison wife apparel; and, my book Prayers of a Prison Wife.  My family has also become advocates for criminal justice reform.

Voting ends on March 24th.  You can vote one time per 24hrs. So please vote and share with as many people that you can.  It’s time for society to stop judging us and support our Loved Ones.  They are human beings that deserve to be loved by their families despite their choice and location. We are families, and children of incarcerated parents deserve to know they’re loved regardless of distance.

It’s our time to SHOW UP and SHOW OUT for prison families!!
1 in 2 adults in the U.S. have experienced incarceration in their family. ~ FAMM 
About 1.7 million children have a parent behind bars. ~ PEW

How you can do the damn thing…

Click the link here to vote for For the Lives of Prison Wives

Small Business Grant Contest (fedex.com)

Hebrews 13:3 3Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

Danielle Steele Williams

How to Get Through the Holidays With a Loved One in Prison

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The most wonderful time of the year isn’t so wonderful for everybody.  The holidays are reminders to many of the people they love and miss the most.  Holidays just aren’t the same when you can’t have certain Loved Ones home with you to share the winter weather, holiday movies, good hot chocolate, and just the whole holiday ambiance.

I remember my first year without my husband being home for the holidays.   I cried the throughout the holidays.  I tried to be happy for my kids but all I could think about was him not being there to see them open their gifts.  Not only did I cry throughout the day, I had to get myself together enough for company.  Oh, did I mention  company were relatives and friends that had their Boothang and everythang! Insert rolling eye emoji here with a sigh… Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my folks.  But at that time it was like I’m already hurting. Now life just has to be rubbed and rubbed in my face.

I tried to do the best I could to cover up the emotional roller coaster I was on.  But the way my facials set up, it was always an epic fail especially with my momma… well my daddy… well my sister and brother-in-law… Well…hell, back to what I said. EPIC FAIL!! The first few years I think good ol’ Stevie Wonder would’ve been able to read my facial expressions.

But you know what would change all of that? Those holiday phone calls!!

When I would get my phone calls I had a sense of holiday normalcy.  And on top of that, we got extra minutes during the holiday!!  Do you not know what extra minutes means to a Prison Wife or Prison Family?!?! We got to spend some part of the holiday together!! We shared what we were in the kitchen cooking up, how the kids reacted to their Christmas, the big fed meal my Mister got to eat. He would be so excited about that meal.  I would get jealous when he would end the convo to go eat. Like really bruh?  

If he didn’t end the convo to go eat, of course we were reminded that we were still on prison time when that big mouth count down lady would tell us “you have 5 mins remaining”… Girrrll we know…can you be merry on Christmas?!?  Her voice would send me right down the roller coaster back into sadness before we even hung up the phone.  We both were the same for the first few years during holidays until there was a shift.

I honestly don’t know when the shift took place but I do remember my Mister calling and hearing me down.  He let me know he was ok and he wanted me to be happy and enjoy the family.  Plus it wasn’t fair for my family to look up and see me down just to bring them down.

I really didn’t intend on telling all of this.  I was just going to share a few tips but I hope our story can help you during this time.

Here are a few getting through the holiday tips:

  1. Do a Mindset shift!! Have a grateful mindset. As clichéish as it sounds it could definitely be worse especially in these times we’re living in.  Think of the things that you are grateful for about your Loved One
  2. If you have to do a little something everyday to be happy, Do It!  (treat yourself i.e. movie, me time, girl night, etc.)
  3. Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays.
  4. Do not carry the guilt of your Loved One not being there for the holidays.
  5. Fix his fave dish to add to Christmas dinner
  6. If you go around family/friends, be happy! Remember, it’s not fair to them to be gloom and doom ALL day.
  7. If you talk to your Loved One, uplift each other. Have fun. He/She wants to hear you happy.
  8. Something I wish I would’ve done…Do a 12 Days of Christmas letters
  9. A Loyal Lady from our support group suggested lighting a candle
  10. Do a Christmas Photoshoot
  11. Buy an early Christmas  gift. (No matter when your LO comes home it’ll be fun to watch he/she open it.)
  12. Have your Loved One call while you’re opening gifts (especially if you have children)
  13. Play your fave Christmas songs in the background.
  14. Don’t be too pissed at the countdown lady. She’s just doing her job.
  15. Remember Live, Laugh, Love!!

What are you planning to do to get through the holidays?

Happy Holidays!!!

~Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

Help… My Loved One is in Prison

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Have you ever found yourself saying, “Help, my Loved One is in Prison?”  If you’re anything like me and so many of us that have Loved One’s in prison, you feel alone and get tired of not having anyone to turn to without facing judgment.  

So many that have Loved One’s in prison are lost because the prison system gives you very little info about how it operates even though it’s housing your Loved One.  So many questions  flood your mind from the simple day to day task, to communication, money, and even just needing simple support to get you through.  The first place I looked for support was the internet.  I can’t even imagine how the wait for Loved Ones was prior to the internet.

I know it was way more difficult not being able to go to anyone for questions and support.  Calling the prison for answers can be an act of congress frfr!! I get frustrated just thinking about it.  But since we do have the intenet to answer some of our questions, I would like to give you a lists of the  Top 10 Prison Blogs to help you through this journey.  And guess what, www.forthelivesofprisonwives.com  was named one of the Top 10 Prison Blogs by Feedspot!!

So in my Michael Jackson voice, “You Are Not Alone!!” If you know someone with a Loved One in Prison, share this post with them.  Hey, share it anyway.  You never know who’s suffering in silence.

I Can’t Breathe & I’m In Prison

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Picture of Willie "Fareed" Fleming

Willie "Fareed" Fleming

In America, we’re hearing the phrase “I can’t breathe” way too often these days.  We normally hear it as life is taken from unarmed African American males at the hands of racists officers.  There’s another place “I can’t breathe” is being heard.  That’s in our prisons.  I can’t breathe is being yelled by those dying to officers as well as those dying to the cornavirus.  Check out this unbelievable, heartwrenching story of an incarcerated Loved One, Wille “Fareed” Fleming as he battled coronavirus behind the prison wall…

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art
with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” – Psalm 23:4 

When I was a little boy in Sunday school memorizing that verse back in the 60ty’s, I envisioned
a slim pathway between two mountains, boulders or something that was way out in the middle of
nowhere; and in a place where a lion or bear- or even a human enemy would be tracking me and
trying to take me out. I never would have thought that the predator would be the coronavirus.
Forty days ago, the coronavirus arrived at the Wynne Prison Unit in Huntsville, TX. We knew it
was here because men started falling out and everyone was manifesting the symptoms that were
being warned about on television such as dry coughing, fever, an inability to breathe and extreme
fatigue.

The first order was to socially distance. Well, how do you do that in prison? Especially on a unit
where the cells are 8X10 feet and shared with a cellmate and the showers are communal.
Nonetheless, the practice of “socially distancing” started on April 3rd. I know because I was
scheduled to go give a sermon that day in the chapel and we all had to readjust to meet the social
distance guidelines. The Chaplain and I were in his office talking and going over the sermon
notes when he started coughing and feeling fatigued. Three weeks later, he died from the
coronavirus.

I knew I had contracted it from him and by this time I was beginning to have few symptoms, as
was the whole wing where I was housed. My cellmate, who was twenty years younger than me,
had foot bruises and a dry cough which he thought were as a result of the virus. Every one up
and down the row of 28 cells felt that they had some type of symptom and then people started
passing out, falling down and yelling that they couldn’t breathe.

We would go to bed listening to see who was coughing the worst. We would ask, “Has Mike
made it back from Memorial Hermann?”(The hospital that most were rushed to.) Then we began
to notice the list of names just kept getting longer, and longer and longer. “Does anybody know
what happened to Bell, Rock, Phil, Jay, Howard, Milton, Flacco,the Irishman, Chi-town, G-Man,
Lil Man, Tiny, Bryan College Station, East Texas, Fifth Ward, Johnny Cochran? Man, there are
too many of us missing and the chaplain is dead!” The news said that there were 12 of “us” who
were dead. The rumors spread as quickly as the virus and the next then that happened was the
new name for the cell block- “The Death Block.”

I refused to entertain any negativity.

I woke up in the morning praying and reading the Word and fasting to stay spiritually strong; but
my dry cough wouldn’t stop. My chest was hurting slightly and I couldn’t smell anything. I was
always waiting for things to get just a little worse before I sounded the alarm.
Then, on April 28th, the officials started doing targeted testing for guys that were in the
vulnerable population. I was one of the ones tested.

I finally broke and told my wife, although I never told her about the symptoms because I
couldn’t have her worrying; but when I took the test I knew it would come back positive and it
did. They moved all of the offenders positive with the coronavirus to a block all by ourselves.
None of us were looking the other men in the eye. It was as if we were all being marshalled
together to die.

No sooner than we got settled in, the calls for help began. “I can’t breathe.”
Another man was having a heart attack and despair and depression had consumed the whole cell
block.

Mail quit coming, the officers working our block were donned in space suits and looked at us as
if we were already dead. The only food we received were sandwiches that were cold,
non-nutritious and never delicious. Then the water got turned off for five days due to a broken
pipe. It was as low as it gets. One day, I was in my cell writing my son a letter reminding him of
everything I ever taught him and the Holy Spirit quickened me to get up and start shadow
boxing.

I started swinging at the unseen enemy.

I fought him for about 30 minutes and then started doing a regimen of push-ups and other
exercises until I was dripping with sweat and I heard the verse, “ Yea though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I heard that verse as I had never heard it
before. DAvid said, “AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF
DEATH,” not as I am overcome in the valley. Not respective of how death’s tail struck me on
the left cheek, but how I WALKED THROUGH, fearing now evil and taking comfort with his
rod (The Word) and his staff (The Holy Spirit).

I have made it through the valley, but death was on my every side. Many have passed away and
their faces are still fresh in my mind, but God saved me, covered me, guided me through and I
am grateful and thankful. I don’t know if all of the guys that were taken away are dead or just
being housed somewhere else, but I know they deserve to be checked on, remembered and
forgiven for many were redeemed and have regenerated their lives. They are great examples of
new creatures reconciled back to God.

Signed,
Willie “Fareed” Fleming

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