For the Lives of Prison Wives

prison wife

Let’s Do the Damn Thing for Prison Families!!

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So I did a damn thing…

Before I tell you the damn thing I did, let me tell you why I did it. I’ll start by sharing little of my story just incase you haven’t heard how or why supporting prison wives is such a major part of my life.

My husband was arrested in 2005.  I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was two years old.  We (my fiancé at the time and me) thought he would be able to bond out of jail. Well!! We were wrong!!! That 2005 day in March was the last time I saw my fiancé free. He ended up serving 14yrs of a 22.5 yr sentence.  Long story short, I learned soooo much while I stayed by his side.  I learned about myself, my husband, the system, the roller coaster emotions that come with the prison wife journey. I learned about parenting while he was incarcerated, how to cope without staying in a state of depression, prison marriage (we got married in prison), and so much more but most importantly, God.  That was how we got through!!

My family made it through 14.5 yrs of incarceration and separation.  There were days I just didn’t think that we would.  On our last day of visitation, I walked away happy for us but sad for so many other families.  This is why I chose to continue to support prison wives (Loyal Ladies).  I couldn’t walk away knowing I may be able to help another family stay together.

The damn thing…

This is why I’m asking for your help!!  For the Lives of Prison Wives has entered a FedEx Small Business Grant Contest.  I’m asking you to please vote for us so the that we can fund various products and services that will help keep families together through incarceration. As of now, we have an online support group via facebook; a curriculum for prison marriages; subscription boxes for Loyal Ladies and soon children of incarcerated parents; prison wife apparel; and, my book Prayers of a Prison Wife.  My family has also become advocates for criminal justice reform.

Voting ends on March 24th.  You can vote one time per 24hrs. So please vote and share with as many people that you can.  It’s time for society to stop judging us and support our Loved Ones.  They are human beings that deserve to be loved by their families despite their choice and location. We are families, and children of incarcerated parents deserve to know they’re loved regardless of distance.

It’s our time to SHOW UP and SHOW OUT for prison families!!
1 in 2 adults in the U.S. have experienced incarceration in their family. ~ FAMM 
About 1.7 million children have a parent behind bars. ~ PEW

How you can do the damn thing…

Click the link here to vote for For the Lives of Prison Wives

Small Business Grant Contest (fedex.com)

Hebrews 13:3 3Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

Danielle Steele Williams

How to Get Through the Holidays With a Loved One in Prison

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The most wonderful time of the year isn’t so wonderful for everybody.  The holidays are reminders to many of the people they love and miss the most.  Holidays just aren’t the same when you can’t have certain Loved Ones home with you to share the winter weather, holiday movies, good hot chocolate, and just the whole holiday ambiance.

I remember my first year without my husband being home for the holidays.   I cried the throughout the holidays.  I tried to be happy for my kids but all I could think about was him not being there to see them open their gifts.  Not only did I cry throughout the day, I had to get myself together enough for company.  Oh, did I mention  company were relatives and friends that had their Boothang and everythang! Insert rolling eye emoji here with a sigh… Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my folks.  But at that time it was like I’m already hurting. Now life just has to be rubbed and rubbed in my face.

I tried to do the best I could to cover up the emotional roller coaster I was on.  But the way my facials set up, it was always an epic fail especially with my momma… well my daddy… well my sister and brother-in-law… Well…hell, back to what I said. EPIC FAIL!! The first few years I think good ol’ Stevie Wonder would’ve been able to read my facial expressions.

But you know what would change all of that? Those holiday phone calls!!

When I would get my phone calls I had a sense of holiday normalcy.  And on top of that, we got extra minutes during the holiday!!  Do you not know what extra minutes means to a Prison Wife or Prison Family?!?! We got to spend some part of the holiday together!! We shared what we were in the kitchen cooking up, how the kids reacted to their Christmas, the big fed meal my Mister got to eat. He would be so excited about that meal.  I would get jealous when he would end the convo to go eat. Like really bruh?  

If he didn’t end the convo to go eat, of course we were reminded that we were still on prison time when that big mouth count down lady would tell us “you have 5 mins remaining”… Girrrll we know…can you be merry on Christmas?!?  Her voice would send me right down the roller coaster back into sadness before we even hung up the phone.  We both were the same for the first few years during holidays until there was a shift.

I honestly don’t know when the shift took place but I do remember my Mister calling and hearing me down.  He let me know he was ok and he wanted me to be happy and enjoy the family.  Plus it wasn’t fair for my family to look up and see me down just to bring them down.

I really didn’t intend on telling all of this.  I was just going to share a few tips but I hope our story can help you during this time.

Here are a few getting through the holiday tips:

  1. Do a Mindset shift!! Have a grateful mindset. As clichéish as it sounds it could definitely be worse especially in these times we’re living in.  Think of the things that you are grateful for about your Loved One
  2. If you have to do a little something everyday to be happy, Do It!  (treat yourself i.e. movie, me time, girl night, etc.)
  3. Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays.
  4. Do not carry the guilt of your Loved One not being there for the holidays.
  5. Fix his fave dish to add to Christmas dinner
  6. If you go around family/friends, be happy! Remember, it’s not fair to them to be gloom and doom ALL day.
  7. If you talk to your Loved One, uplift each other. Have fun. He/She wants to hear you happy.
  8. Something I wish I would’ve done…Do a 12 Days of Christmas letters
  9. A Loyal Lady from our support group suggested lighting a candle
  10. Do a Christmas Photoshoot
  11. Buy an early Christmas  gift. (No matter when your LO comes home it’ll be fun to watch he/she open it.)
  12. Have your Loved One call while you’re opening gifts (especially if you have children)
  13. Play your fave Christmas songs in the background.
  14. Don’t be too pissed at the countdown lady. She’s just doing her job.
  15. Remember Live, Laugh, Love!!

What are you planning to do to get through the holidays?

Happy Holidays!!!

~Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

In for the Long Haul! From My Pen Pal to My Husband. . .

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I met my husband through a Christian pen pal ministry 15+ years ago. I was given the name and info. Unbeknownst of one the most loving, caring Godly men I know, which would take my life in a very unexpected direction.

                                                      

When I first came across his name I had no interest in any relationship and it was strongly advised not to get involved beyond ministry and support. Funny how love has a way of creeping into our lives! After a few months of corresponding by letter, then came pictures then phone conversations. Over time I was able to see how loving, kind and Godly he is.

I don’t think I really realized truly what I was walking into,15+ years ago as I became more and more in love with this man I am convinced only God brought into my life. I didn’t know Federal prisoners were moved around often from state to state, which means over the years MANY cross country trips from California to wherever he is located (usually on the East coast), at times with no guarantee he would be allowed a visit. I have made a few trips ending with no visit,..heartbreaking! In all this, I found it could be a few months between visits, or YEARS!

                                                 

Over the years we have endured many ups and downs with the ultimate jolt being my diagnosis of cancer in June of 2019. We were blessed by the Lord of my healing and remission after a few months. It was hard for both of us not being together to tackle that hurdle together as it truly tested our love and commitment to each other as well as to the Lord!

Neither of us thought in the beginning that a chance encounter through pen pal letters would go this far, and it’s truly not the “norm” when meeting an inmate with 19 years to go! We now have 4 1/2 years to go until we can FINALLY start our lives together, though he is facing deportation in the end…another hurdle! We’re ready! And by the grace of God, we are looking forward to a long happy life together.

We never know where or when love will strike, and many people have asked (inappropriate) questions, as to why or how I am enduring this journey. This definitely requires a strong commitment, self-awareness, a supportive personal life, and strong faith in God.

To any other women who find themselves on this unique journey, I pray you keep the strength, love (of self also) and faith to get you through this, if you are truly with the right man it will last!!

Dry your tears Sis!! It’s time to Boss TF Up!! Fr!!

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Yes, I said it!!  Yes, the Prayers of a Prison Wife Author!!  Guess what?  I had to tell myself the same thing!!  Boss TF Up!! Like Uncle Steve Harvey says, God still workin’ on me.   So, sometimes you just gotta say what needs to be said.  Lol
There’s no way to get through this by staying down and out!!  It’s not good for you or your Bae, your Boo, Your Snookums… Whatever you call your Loved One.  It ain’t good!!
A prison relationship is one of the most challenging relationships you can experience.  With it comes a rollercoaster of emotions.   You have the choice to let the rollercoaster control you and give you the ride of your life!!
 

Or, you control it and determine when and how you’re going to take the ride.  Of course, some ups and downs are inevitable.   But it’s up to you to determine how to cope/deal with the inevitables.

I learned the best way to control some of the emotions was to change my focus.  Too much negative focus on your Bae is enough to ruin your day literally.  He/she is not there and not coming as soon as you’d like.  This means he/she can’t help you out physically in any way, shape, form, or fashion.  This means you can’t talk to him/her when you feel like it.  This means you can’t visit when you want.  I could go on and on.  And these are literally the thoughts that consumed my mind at one time until I had an epiphany and realized, “Alright now girl!!  This is not going to get it!!”
I had to Boss TF Up or this thing was going to beat me tf down!!


So, what are you going to do?

How about joining me on January 18, 2020 at 7:00 pm cst so we can Boss TF Up for 2020!!

If you haven’t signed up, click the button below to receive updates!

Ready 2 Boss TF Up

Life After Prison

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I can’t believe it’s almost been eight months since my husband has been released!    What has life after prison been like?! …We’ve used this time for us to reconnect which involves soooo much!!  We’ve been learning each other all over.  Over the last 14.5 years, we’ve grown together through the wall.  Now we’re learning and growing on the free side.  We all have had to adjust to each other’s personalities, habits, space, etc.  My biggest challenge everyday is feeding my greedy family!!  We all have pretty big appetites!!

 

At times, it’s still a surreal feeling!  I think it became a habit for me to say and think to myself, “I wish my husband was here.” Then, I’m like, Oh, wait he is here! lol

                                                          

Of course, the time seems to be moving faster now that he’s home.  I can honestly say the transition from prison to home has been way smoother than I expected.  I know that’s because of the many days and nights of preparing with prayer.  Of course, we have still had our moments. Some of the toughest times during this transition so far was when he was at the halfway house.  This post is not to get into that but trust, it’s coming.  

One thing I have managed to do is write a book of prayers that I prayed to help get us through this situation. I added a brief summary of situations that led to each prayer and threw in some pages for you to write your own thoughts and prayers. My hope is that this book will help others that are in the situation.  I’m so grateful to have received such positive feedback from the book!!  Many wives, fiancées, and, girlfriends have even sent copies to their significant others.  When writing “Prayers of a Prison Wife” I had just what the title says in mind, “prayers for a prison wife.”  I’ve learned that God had more people than “prison wives” when He filtered these prayers through me.  I’m thankful that it’s touching all lives.

Yes, this part of our journey is now over.  It’s been a part of me for soooo long, that I’ll never forget it!  I don’t want to forget it!  It’s helped to make me ME!  I didn’t know how Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.™ I truly was until I found my strength with God’s help. And that is the positive that has come from this journey!!   I’ll always remember the PW journey!!  I’ll never forget the many emotions that went along with it.  That’s why I couldn’t walk away without helping other Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.™  Loyal Ladies get through this PW thing!!  Now, we’re on the transitioning journey!!  Whew Chile!! lol…

                                                             

I’ll tell y’all about it one day soon!  Issa journey too!! lol How can it not be when someone’s away from society for years? The sooner you start preparing for life after prison with your Loved One the better.  And no I’m not speaking of just physically, I’m speaking mental preparation.  Seriously though, I’m proud of all of us!!

In the meanwhile…check out the book deets below!!   
Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.™

Oh, the support group isn’t going anywhere!!   For the Lives of Prison Wives ~ Loyal Ladies

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