The most wonderful time of the year isn’t so wonderful for everybody. The holidays are reminders to many of the people they love and miss the most. Holidays just aren’t the same when you can’t have certain Loved Ones home with you to share the winter weather, holiday movies, good hot chocolate, and just the whole holiday ambiance.
I remember my first year without my husband being home for the holidays. I cried the throughout the holidays. I tried to be happy for my kids but all I could think about was him not being there to see them open their gifts. Not only did I cry throughout the day, I had to get myself together enough for company. Oh, did I mention company were relatives and friends that had their Boothang and everythang! Insert rolling eye emoji here with a sigh… Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my folks. But at that time it was like I’m already hurting. Now life just has to be rubbed and rubbed in my face.
I tried to do the best I could to cover up the emotional roller coaster I was on. But the way my facials set up, it was always an epic fail especially with my momma… well my daddy… well my sister and brother-in-law… Well…hell, back to what I said. EPIC FAIL!! The first few years I think good ol’ Stevie Wonder would’ve been able to read my facial expressions.
But you know what would change all of that? Those holiday phone calls!!
When I would get my phone calls I had a sense of holiday normalcy. And on top of that, we got extra minutes during the holiday!! Do you not know what extra minutes means to a Prison Wife or Prison Family?!?! We got to spend some part of the holiday together!! We shared what we were in the kitchen cooking up, how the kids reacted to their Christmas, the big fed meal my Mister got to eat. He would be so excited about that meal. I would get jealous when he would end the convo to go eat. Like really bruh?
If he didn’t end the convo to go eat, of course we were reminded that we were still on prison time when that big mouth count down lady would tell us “you have 5 mins remaining”… Girrrll we know…can you be merry on Christmas?!? Her voice would send me right down the roller coaster back into sadness before we even hung up the phone. We both were the same for the first few years during holidays until there was a shift.
I honestly don’t know when the shift took place but I do remember my Mister calling and hearing me down. He let me know he was ok and he wanted me to be happy and enjoy the family. Plus it wasn’t fair for my family to look up and see me down just to bring them down.
I really didn’t intend on telling all of this. I was just going to share a few tips but I hope our story can help you during this time.
Here are a few getting through the holiday tips:
- Do a Mindset shift!! Have a grateful mindset. As clichéish as it sounds it could definitely be worse especially in these times we’re living in. Think of the things that you are grateful for about your Loved One
- If you have to do a little something everyday to be happy, Do It! (treat yourself i.e. movie, me time, girl night, etc.)
- Give yourself permission to enjoy the holidays.
- Do not carry the guilt of your Loved One not being there for the holidays.
- Fix his fave dish to add to Christmas dinner
- If you go around family/friends, be happy! Remember, it’s not fair to them to be gloom and doom ALL day.
- If you talk to your Loved One, uplift each other. Have fun. He/She wants to hear you happy.
- Something I wish I would’ve done…Do a 12 Days of Christmas letters
- A Loyal Lady from our support group suggested lighting a candle
- Do a Christmas Photoshoot
- Buy an early Christmas gift. (No matter when your LO comes home it’ll be fun to watch he/she open it.)
- Have your Loved One call while you’re opening gifts (especially if you have children)
- Play your fave Christmas songs in the background.
- Don’t be too pissed at the countdown lady. She’s just doing her job.
- Remember Live, Laugh, Love!!
What are you planning to do to get through the holidays?
Happy Holidays!!!
~Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.