For the Lives of Prison Wives

counseling

5 Satisfying Ways Spiritual Counseling Helps Marriages Succeed

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At some point in our lives, we must study to show ourselves approved. We are taught as early as Pre-K the importance of studying. We eventually learn that in order to be successful at most endeavors, we must study to pass tests.

However, even after passing tests, it is essential we continue our growth through professional development. Professional development is necessary to prevent the stagnation of our careers.

With that in mind, what makes us think that the most significant endeavor of all, marriage, doesn’t require development? We often enter at our own risk and attempt to maneuver our marriage through trial and error. However, there are spiritual resources available that can help us to navigate and strengthen our bond.

Well, now is the time to correct that way of thinking and nurture the most sacred union of all. We could start by giving our spouses the same attention we give our careers. If we don’t do something correctly at work, we learn the correct way and adjust. If we continue to make the same mistakes, we will eventually be reprimanded.

If we make a mistake within our marriage, we must learn what caused the problem or our unions will begin to sever. There is a way to begin to learn our spouses and preserve the relationship we have worked so hard to build. Here are 5 tried and true benefits of spiritual counseling!

You create a relationship with God.

If you feel like you don’t need God now, I promise your spouse will do something that leads you to Him. Your spouse is not perfect; he/she will make mistakes.

Your relationship with God will give you comfort, guidance, peace and so much more. In order to grasp the following concepts and give yourself full to them, a relationship with God must be at the forefront of your life.

Spiritual counseling focuses your heart, mind, and soul on what truly matters in a relationship. This then lays the foundation and groundwork for walking close to God and eventually hand in hand with your spouse.

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You learn about yourself.

Spiritual counseling is an investment in you. It is immensely more challenging to learn, much less care about someone else – their behaviors, struggles, fears – if you don’t know yourself. If you and your spouse are both lost in the same, neither of you will make it Home! Learning about who you are opens the doors to understanding your spouse and giving them what they need.

You learn about your spouse.

You are given the opportunity to truly hear your spouse’s concerns, fears, needs, wants and more. It is beyond frustrating when assumptions are made on what you are planning to say. So, let them speak. You’d be surprised at what your spouse shares when you let them! A spiritual counselor makes a great facilitator so everyone’s voice can be heard.

You are given the tools to endure in the good times as well as the bad times.

It’s important that you and your spouse safeguard your marriage. Problems will arise; however, with the necessary tools the problems can be resolved peacefully. Since we are sometimes unaware that those necessary tools include spiritual management, a counselor will lead you to what will work for your relationship.

You are given the tools to endure in the good times as well as the bad times.

Help save a family! So many relationships are salvageable if the right tools are used. Remember, don’t wait until the problem arises, get fully equipped, learn the compromises! And allow the counselor’s words to take root so you can pay it forward once you have passed through the storm.

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Real Wife

To Nag or Not To Nag?…That is the Question

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As we approached home, I reflected upon what our counselor advised me to do, shut up and pray (Take the Muzzle Off Your Man).  She even led me to a scripture, Proverbs 27:15-16,  A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.  Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.   Ha!  Never knew that was in the bible.   She suggested that I tell my fiance what’s bothering me, remind him once and if he still hadn’t responded to pray to God about it.  If I went to him a third time, that was considered nagging.  Well, if I hadn’t mastered anything else in life I was a pro at nagging.  A matter a fact, I began to love to nag because I knew how to get to him.  I would actually sit and think of ways to really get under that skin. To nag is to annoy or irritate a person with persistent fault-finding or continuous urging. I felt my nagging was justifiable because my fiance had areas that I believed he needed to improve.  I just wanted to help him to become a better person.  So my strategy was to make him talk about what ever was bothering me.  Obviously, that didn’t work or it wouldn’t have become nagging. But what else was I to do?  I didn’t understand how me attempting to help you become better was a problem.  Just do what I asked.  That’s simple.

Of course after every lesson there’s a test.  And of course if you don’t study you fail.  So I failed, not once, not twice, but several times before I finally put what was taught to me in action.  This nagging was embedded in me so deep and I didn’t even know I was nagging at times.  The more I nagged the less we saw of each other.  He eventually stopped going to counseling.  Now why would he do that?  That just gave me one more thing to nag him about.  Come on now…what else was I supposed to do, follow the advice of my counselor and pray? And I’m not getting my way?  Huh! Yeah right! I had to let this out.  You would think he liked this nagging that he claimed was so bothersome.  This ugly cycle continued.  I’d call, text, write and try again.  Even when I was able to get it all out he was hearing me but not listening.  There’s a difference. (Is You Hearing or Is You Listening to Your Spouse?)

The day finally arrived when I got tired and gave into my counselor’s advice.  I bit my tongue and prayed instead of picking up the phone.  I opened a book of prayers and read a prayer about nagging.  I still have that book but until this day, I haven’t found the prayer I prayed that day in the book.  It’s like God just put it there for me at that moment.  A week after reading that prayer, my fiance called me and asked was I ready because he was on his way to take me to our counseling session. The same sessions he abandoned and that I prayed for him to return to.  So in the words of my counselor, Shut Up and Pray! Ladies, we can’t change the man but God can. And in the process of praying for his change, He changes us as well. Gotta love HIM!

 

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Real Wife

My Biblical Marriage Counselor told me to Shut Up!

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The most significant words my biblical marriage counselor shared with me were … “Shut Up!”  My immediate thought was “shut up?!”  But he’s not right!  Do you hear what he’s saying?  His thinking is ALL wrong!!  But at this point, I was willing to take the advice because we had hit the bottom. So I “shut up” and let him tell “his side” of the story.  As he continued to talk, there were moments when I wanted to interject my “perfect thoughts” but I was instructed to listen and write down my points so that I wouldn’t forget what I wanted to say.  As I continued to listen to his “ridiculousness” I actually started hearing moments that didn’t sound so ridiculous after all.  I began to see that uh..oh I actually was a contributing factor to this demise.  I didn’t agree with everything he was saying but I understood his reaction to me… Ok, so let’s rewind, I was here so my counselor could fix HIM!! Nothing was wrong with me.  I didn’t do anything.  He didn’t even want to seek counseling and now I’m part of the problem?! I gotta hear this …  While I’m able to find an inkling of love for him please tell me what I need to do.  According to my counselor, my fiancé wasn’t feeling respected and appreciated.  Okayyy, why would I respect him?  Respect in my head was to submit and I don’t do the submit thing.  Especially when you don’t deserve respect.  If he disrespects me, I will disrespect him in return.  It’s those thoughts and actions that got us where we were- sitting on the couch in front of a biblical marriage counselor.  Whoever would’ve thought.  You couldn’t have told me this years ago.  All we as women want is our fairytale happily ever after.  What happened?  Whew… as a last resort to salvage that inkling that was left, I took my counselor’s advice and shut up and prayed.  Oh, the journey that lies ahead … To be continued …To Nag or Not to Nag…That is the Question

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Real Wife