For the Lives of Prison Wives

Inspiration

There is Power in Waiting

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     My biggest success was in the process of waiting. My husband has been incarcerated for 7 years and we have two beautiful boys together. My husband got convicted the day after our youngest son turned 1 years old. When the officers put the handcuffs on him and took him away I immediately thought my life was over. When sentencing came and the judge said 22 years, I thought I was doomed! I didn’t know what to think or where to begin! However, this process has become a gift because I found my greatest strength in the big WAIT! When my husband left It seemed as if all my “so call” support scattered. I had nobody but me and the Lord. I couldn’t work full-time because I had to be there for my boys. I was facing eviction and I was back up in rent $7,000.  I got on public assistance and by the grace of God, I discover a program to help me pay my back rent. I try to go back to college, I was told I couldn’t because of my GPA, I literally got 5 no’s One day I took a leap of faith and I went back to the main campus to ask again. I spoke to the director and I was able to register and do my financial aid all in one day. I obtained my associate and bachelor’s degree in psychology and human services. I started working temp jobs here and there to maintain and take care of my family. However, I knew God wanted more from me and he was calling me to do something higher.

The only way I was able to hear is when I’d removed negative people, places and things from my life. These moments were painful; however, I focused on finding the lessons and the blessings. Every income tax season I would invest into myself. I would invest into traveling to different conferences to network. I learned how other individuals became successful. I would purchase VIP tickets and sit with millionaires and learn how they became successful. I invested in changing my mindset. After that I start creating products, such as T-shirts, creating eBooks and more.  This was only the beginning, but I knew I had to begin somewhere to find my way.  I didn’t make a lot of money, but I have learned how to and what works and don’t work.  I knew this wasn’t it and God wanted more. I started to write down all the things I was passionate about.  It always resulted back to me helping people, especially women and couples. I went back to school to get my master’s degree in Marriage Family Therapy. Now I am a MFT, public speaker, soon to be author and I do workshops to help women with personal development.

     This is not an easy journey, however there is power in the big WAIT. It’s not easy when you don’t have support, trying to maintain the house, children and husband. For being a single married mother, I had to discover how to have flexibility. Me being on public assistance helped me get to where I needed to be. My prayer was not to have a job that will take me away from my children. I wanted to be there for my children emotionally and supportively. And being an entrepreneur and a therapist give me that flexibility. Also, so I can visit my husband on the weekends. I actually visit my husband every other weekend. Me and my husband have an unconditional love, where we value each other. Spiritually we worked on being on one accord. He understands that I must take care of me first. 

     And that’s my message, take care of you first. Your children need you and your destiny that God is trying to take you to needs you. It may take you a couple avenues to get to your destiny. However, you will get there. Whatever money you get, save it up and invest in your healing, if you need to heal. You don’t have to have your business altogether to start investing. Writing is free, write down your vision. Start by Saving $10 and get a logo created. Invest little pieces at the time until your puzzle come together. And going back to school is always an option. I started off in a CUNY school and from me having low income I got full financial aid. Every semester I would get a refund back. I always saved it up for rainy days and I would invest it. If there’s a will, there’s a way and there is always a way.

Life!! The One Test You Can’t Cheat On

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Mannn!!! Have you ever wished you could just know the answers?  😬 Why is life happening like this?  Why is this happening to me?  When will this all end?  Why don’t they ever go through anything?  Hey, just keeping it 💯!! You know you’ve had the same thoughts.  😂 No, you don’t wish anything on anybody but as a human being you can’t help but have those thoughts every now and then when we don’t even know what the next person’s test has been.  But when I’m bombarded with those thoughts I stop and get still…and …I’m reminded…the only way to get through is to keep going.  I can’t stop taking the test!  There are no short cuts! 

😬There is no cheat sheet 😤Some parts of this test you’ll have to retake simply because you didn’t get it the first time or two or three or maybe you thought you found a short cut. 😫Life is a test of many parts.  Some parts of the test you’ll become certified because you were created with certain gifts and you just get it.  But even though you have your certification you’ll still need to renew your certificate.  Why? Because there’s no way of knowing every question or problem that you’ll face.  People change and situations change.  So you have to be ready to deal with unknown. When you’re faced with unknown you have to seek guidance from the known.  That known for me is God the Creator of Life and Answers to the test! 

#forthelivesofprisonwives #motivationmonday 

There Is Power In The Vision Board That Is!

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Write My Goals? Do I Have To?

Is there really power in the vision board? We hear too often,”write your goals”, “what is a vision/dream without written goals?” Goals, Goals, Goals!!! If you’re anything like me, you hear it but you don’t hear it. Surely, I can accomplish what needs to be accomplished without having to actually write my goals. My goals are etched in my mind. I’ll make it happen, I know exactly what I want and the steps I need to take to get there.  Time moves on and before you know it, your shouting that infamous countdown…10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! May all acquaintance be forgot…. and after the excitement of the New Year winds down, you’re reminded of your old acquaintance. That vision/dream that can’t be forgotten because it’s etched so deep in your heart and constantly tugging at your mind so much so that it can’t be forgotten. It won’t let you go and you can’t let it go. You didn’t forget about it, you just got caught in the spin cycle of life. Moving on with life as life continues to move on, yet remaining unintentionally stagnate.

The Vision Board Party!!

Although you remain stagnate, God continues to move on your behalf sending people and situations that will one day move you from life’s spin cycle. In my case, He moved through a friend inviting me to attend a Vision Board Party. I accepted the invite, attended the party, where I was surrounded by other dreamers who hadn’t quite gotten around to giving their dream a voice.  It was there that  I created my vision board. Every picture and word that I cut was deliberate and caused some form of thought or reflection on my goals. It was something about being still, although not alone, and focusing on myself and making a plan for myself. At one point the room became silent as we all focused on our futures. After completing our vision boards we were instructed to put it in a place that we would see it first thing every morning.  Now, this was my second time creating a vision board but I never kept the first one in my possession and was not able to see it daily.

Seeing My Dreams

This time, I actually listened and hung my vision board on the wall by my bed! As soon as I opened my eyes, that’s what I would see… my dreams! Of course the first few weeks I marveled over my board and it’s content with excitement! Eventually, my impatience kicked in and doubts would surface every now and then. Will this really happen for me? But in spite of those thoughts, I continued to look at my board and claim my goals. One key word on my board was “CHANGE” in big letters. It wasn’t until a major change took place that I looked at my board and made the connection. There are several other pictures and words that I now notice are representative of what has taken place in my life or is in the process of taking place.

I truly believe there is Power in the Vision… Board That Is. There is some type of supernatural phenomenon that takes place when you’re able to physically see your dreams in front of you waiting for you to ignite them!

Habakkuk 2:2-3 2 And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. 3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

My Children, My Inspiration

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You never know what goes on in the minds of your children even if you have a close relationship with them.  I talk to my kids all the time about everything … so I thought.  It wasn’t until my daughter came to me with an assignment in which she had to write a memoir, that I realized her true feelings about her dad being incarcerated. I’ve asked her how she feels and she always tells me she’s ok with it but it didn’t really seem to bother her. When I read her memoir and studied her drawing that went along with her memoir Hello from the Other Side: A Daughter’s Memoir, I couldn’t believe the volumes it spoke!  I admired her for being strong and sharing that part of her life because some children, and family for that matter, don’t speak about a parent being incarcerated out of shame or fear of being teased/judged.  Not only did my daughter share her story, but my son chose to write about his feelings for an assignment he had to do as well.  In it, I learned that he was angry about the situation which he has shared with me before.  It seemed to affect him more than my daughter.  But I never knew it was my daughter that helped him to accept the situation better.  He had actually experienced a child picking at him about his dad being locked up but it was his sister that shared how she gets through it with him.  He thought that the way she handled it was amazing and it made him not be so angry about it anymore.  I am so proud of the both of them for living their truth.  I left the decision up to them as to if they wanted to share it or not.  I think the older they’ve gotten the more comfortable they are with sharing which in turn has helped me.  I don’t have to be secretive and in protective mode since they’re more open about it.  It’s even been a struggle of mine to be transparent with everyone out of being judged by adults for my decision to marry my husband while he’s incarcerated Inmate to You, Husband to Me.

Unfortunately, a lot of children have parents that are incarcerated and don’t know how to cope with the situation. There is a growing number of children that live with the stigma of a parent being in jail/prison.  When looking at justice reform, rebuilding family bonds should definitely be a part of the rehabilitation process.

One Less Thought …

Real Wife

Why Am I Crying?

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Welllll, as my son says as he starts to give a long drawn out explanation, what in the world is wrong with me?  I just ended a call with my new employer and I’m not excited about my new opportunity.  Am I crazy?  I have in big letters on my vision board “CHANGE”!  Now, “CHANGE” is here and I’m still not satisfied.  I’ve prayed for change, change is now here and I’m having doubts.  How dare I not be grateful, right?  What is the real problem?  Who does this?  Oh no…  no…  I’m trying to fight back the tears but it’s too late.  I can’t believe I’m sitting here crying over a new job.  The phone rings.  It’s my husband of course I can’t get myself together enough to disguise my pain.  I try to explain my thoughts and feeling to him but I just sound like a big ball of confusion.  He’s now at  a lost for words because he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and upset me even more.  So his answer is to just sit silently for a minute to pay his respect and then he changes the topic to something totally different as if that doesn’t upset me.  The sudden change of topics did upset me for a minute but it also helped to get my mind off of my meltdown.  I realized my husband just didn’t want to worsen things.  Of course, we come back to the meltdown topic and he tells me what I already know.  You have to do what you have to do. You may not be where you want to be but in the meanwhile work towards your want in addition to your need.  I then start to reflect on my past big moments of change and I remember the all to familiar craziness that runs rampant in my head when I approach my new normal.  I guess it’s the fear of the unknown.  In the end it’s never as difficult as we imagine it to be.  If God puts us there, He will provide the care.

One less thought …

Real Wife