For the Lives of Prison Wives

Inspiration

DMX, His Ruff Ryde, and Resurrection

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Happy Easter!! This DMX Interview!! … It’s time to talk. Just like Jesus was buried and rose from the dead. It’s time for us to “bury” our problems the right way so we can resurrect to be the people God created us to be.  You may think I’m reaching and you’re wondering what in the world does DMX have to do with the Resurrection? Well, let me tell you.

After watching one of his old interviews this morning, it made me think about how people are hurting and don’t know how to deal with their pain.  That interview, though so short, said so much. I love DMX for speaking his facts! If you agree with him or not, you know where he stands.

Life has its painful moments.  When we don’t deal with the pain the right way it will show up again and again and again. When it shows up, it can cause even more pain to you and to the ones around you simply because the pain was not “buried” the right way.  Just like Jesus was buried and resurrected, we have got to learn how to “bury” our problems the right way so we can be “resurrected” as the people God created us to be.

Jesus died for our sins.  So if you’re in pain from your own sins and you believe in God then know that you are forgiven. We, as humans, can be quick to judge but slow to forgive. Talk to God and ask Him to help you forgive you of your sins. If you don’t know how to talk to Him, simply ask Him to guide you to the right earthly person to talk to. That person may be a relative, friend, pastor, or counselor.

If you’re in pain from the sins that someone else committed against you, talk to Him about it. Ask Him to help you forgive that person/people that caused you pain. If you don’t know how to talk to Him, simply as Him to guide you to the right earthly person to talk to. Again, that person may be a relative, friend, pastor, or counselor.

We are human and God understands that. So if you’re one to hold grudges and can’t seem to get past the pain get help to get past the pain.  Forgiveness will help free you from the pain and sometimes we just can’t do it alone. Remember Jesus on the cross and how he forgave those that caused Him pain. Luke 23:34 Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

DMX is a whole grown man!! But it’s the pain from his childhood that broke him down in his interview.  It’s pain from his childhood that has caused him to cause pain. It’s the pain from his childhood that scares him the most. It’s the pain from his childhood that may have caused him to inflict the same pain that was inflicted on him. It’s the pain from his childhood that he realized needed to be dealt with in order to heal. There are a whole lot of DMXes in the world.  A whole lot of Ruff Ryders that have taught themselves how to cope the best way they know how with the Ruff Ryde life has dealt them. 

One thing DMX realized is that the Ruff Ryde has to be talked about.  Unfortunately, learned that later in life. This goes for all people, but especially my black people, because a lot of us think it’s something wrong with getting help for the things that make us sick mentally.  So many of us love God but run from counseling. If you love God, you know that He is the “Wonderful Counselor!”  Isaiah 9:6…and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. So why are we running from counsel?

Getting counseling is one of the best things I’ve done for me. I was that person that didn’t know how to go to God for help but I did ask Him to guide me to the right person.  (Yeah, I grew up in church. But growing up in church, knowing the bible, and being a faithful servant has nothing to do with having a relationship with God). He did just that. He led me to a biblical counselor. She spoke to me about my problems in a way I understood. She also spoke to God about my problems for me when I couldn’t. She listened for me when I didn’t know how to listen to Him and relayed the right message and tools to me to get through my Ruff Ryde. As I type this message, it just hit me that she was my intercessor and Jesus interceded for her on our behalf.  

It’s amazing how listening to DMX sharing his story reminded me of what resurrection is about.  I pray that DMX is healed and able to share his story and encourage others to talk about their problems to the right people so they can experience the benefits of the resurrection…being forgiven, having a true intercessor, never being alone, and eternal life!! Happy Resurrection Day!!

Let’s Do the Damn Thing for Prison Families!!

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via GIPHY

So I did a damn thing…

Before I tell you the damn thing I did, let me tell you why I did it. I’ll start by sharing little of my story just incase you haven’t heard how or why supporting prison wives is such a major part of my life.

My husband was arrested in 2005.  I was pregnant with my son and my daughter was two years old.  We (my fiancé at the time and me) thought he would be able to bond out of jail. Well!! We were wrong!!! That 2005 day in March was the last time I saw my fiancé free. He ended up serving 14yrs of a 22.5 yr sentence.  Long story short, I learned soooo much while I stayed by his side.  I learned about myself, my husband, the system, the roller coaster emotions that come with the prison wife journey. I learned about parenting while he was incarcerated, how to cope without staying in a state of depression, prison marriage (we got married in prison), and so much more but most importantly, God.  That was how we got through!!

My family made it through 14.5 yrs of incarceration and separation.  There were days I just didn’t think that we would.  On our last day of visitation, I walked away happy for us but sad for so many other families.  This is why I chose to continue to support prison wives (Loyal Ladies).  I couldn’t walk away knowing I may be able to help another family stay together.

The damn thing…

This is why I’m asking for your help!!  For the Lives of Prison Wives has entered a FedEx Small Business Grant Contest.  I’m asking you to please vote for us so the that we can fund various products and services that will help keep families together through incarceration. As of now, we have an online support group via facebook; a curriculum for prison marriages; subscription boxes for Loyal Ladies and soon children of incarcerated parents; prison wife apparel; and, my book Prayers of a Prison Wife.  My family has also become advocates for criminal justice reform.

Voting ends on March 24th.  You can vote one time per 24hrs. So please vote and share with as many people that you can.  It’s time for society to stop judging us and support our Loved Ones.  They are human beings that deserve to be loved by their families despite their choice and location. We are families, and children of incarcerated parents deserve to know they’re loved regardless of distance.

It’s our time to SHOW UP and SHOW OUT for prison families!!
1 in 2 adults in the U.S. have experienced incarceration in their family. ~ FAMM 
About 1.7 million children have a parent behind bars. ~ PEW

How you can do the damn thing…

Click the link here to vote for For the Lives of Prison Wives

Small Business Grant Contest (fedex.com)

Hebrews 13:3 3Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.

Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.

Danielle Steele Williams

I Can’t Breathe & I’m In Prison

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Picture of Willie "Fareed" Fleming

Willie "Fareed" Fleming

In America, we’re hearing the phrase “I can’t breathe” way too often these days.  We normally hear it as life is taken from unarmed African American males at the hands of racists officers.  There’s another place “I can’t breathe” is being heard.  That’s in our prisons.  I can’t breathe is being yelled by those dying to officers as well as those dying to the cornavirus.  Check out this unbelievable, heartwrenching story of an incarcerated Loved One, Wille “Fareed” Fleming as he battled coronavirus behind the prison wall…

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for Thou art
with me. Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” – Psalm 23:4 

When I was a little boy in Sunday school memorizing that verse back in the 60ty’s, I envisioned
a slim pathway between two mountains, boulders or something that was way out in the middle of
nowhere; and in a place where a lion or bear- or even a human enemy would be tracking me and
trying to take me out. I never would have thought that the predator would be the coronavirus.
Forty days ago, the coronavirus arrived at the Wynne Prison Unit in Huntsville, TX. We knew it
was here because men started falling out and everyone was manifesting the symptoms that were
being warned about on television such as dry coughing, fever, an inability to breathe and extreme
fatigue.

The first order was to socially distance. Well, how do you do that in prison? Especially on a unit
where the cells are 8X10 feet and shared with a cellmate and the showers are communal.
Nonetheless, the practice of “socially distancing” started on April 3rd. I know because I was
scheduled to go give a sermon that day in the chapel and we all had to readjust to meet the social
distance guidelines. The Chaplain and I were in his office talking and going over the sermon
notes when he started coughing and feeling fatigued. Three weeks later, he died from the
coronavirus.

I knew I had contracted it from him and by this time I was beginning to have few symptoms, as
was the whole wing where I was housed. My cellmate, who was twenty years younger than me,
had foot bruises and a dry cough which he thought were as a result of the virus. Every one up
and down the row of 28 cells felt that they had some type of symptom and then people started
passing out, falling down and yelling that they couldn’t breathe.

We would go to bed listening to see who was coughing the worst. We would ask, “Has Mike
made it back from Memorial Hermann?”(The hospital that most were rushed to.) Then we began
to notice the list of names just kept getting longer, and longer and longer. “Does anybody know
what happened to Bell, Rock, Phil, Jay, Howard, Milton, Flacco,the Irishman, Chi-town, G-Man,
Lil Man, Tiny, Bryan College Station, East Texas, Fifth Ward, Johnny Cochran? Man, there are
too many of us missing and the chaplain is dead!” The news said that there were 12 of “us” who
were dead. The rumors spread as quickly as the virus and the next then that happened was the
new name for the cell block- “The Death Block.”

I refused to entertain any negativity.

I woke up in the morning praying and reading the Word and fasting to stay spiritually strong; but
my dry cough wouldn’t stop. My chest was hurting slightly and I couldn’t smell anything. I was
always waiting for things to get just a little worse before I sounded the alarm.
Then, on April 28th, the officials started doing targeted testing for guys that were in the
vulnerable population. I was one of the ones tested.

I finally broke and told my wife, although I never told her about the symptoms because I
couldn’t have her worrying; but when I took the test I knew it would come back positive and it
did. They moved all of the offenders positive with the coronavirus to a block all by ourselves.
None of us were looking the other men in the eye. It was as if we were all being marshalled
together to die.

No sooner than we got settled in, the calls for help began. “I can’t breathe.”
Another man was having a heart attack and despair and depression had consumed the whole cell
block.

Mail quit coming, the officers working our block were donned in space suits and looked at us as
if we were already dead. The only food we received were sandwiches that were cold,
non-nutritious and never delicious. Then the water got turned off for five days due to a broken
pipe. It was as low as it gets. One day, I was in my cell writing my son a letter reminding him of
everything I ever taught him and the Holy Spirit quickened me to get up and start shadow
boxing.

I started swinging at the unseen enemy.

I fought him for about 30 minutes and then started doing a regimen of push-ups and other
exercises until I was dripping with sweat and I heard the verse, “ Yea though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” I heard that verse as I had never heard it
before. DAvid said, “AS I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF
DEATH,” not as I am overcome in the valley. Not respective of how death’s tail struck me on
the left cheek, but how I WALKED THROUGH, fearing now evil and taking comfort with his
rod (The Word) and his staff (The Holy Spirit).

I have made it through the valley, but death was on my every side. Many have passed away and
their faces are still fresh in my mind, but God saved me, covered me, guided me through and I
am grateful and thankful. I don’t know if all of the guys that were taken away are dead or just
being housed somewhere else, but I know they deserve to be checked on, remembered and
forgiven for many were redeemed and have regenerated their lives. They are great examples of
new creatures reconciled back to God.

Signed,
Willie “Fareed” Fleming

Dry your tears Sis!! It’s time to Boss TF Up!! Fr!!

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Yes, I said it!!  Yes, the Prayers of a Prison Wife Author!!  Guess what?  I had to tell myself the same thing!!  Boss TF Up!! Like Uncle Steve Harvey says, God still workin’ on me.   So, sometimes you just gotta say what needs to be said.  Lol
There’s no way to get through this by staying down and out!!  It’s not good for you or your Bae, your Boo, Your Snookums… Whatever you call your Loved One.  It ain’t good!!
A prison relationship is one of the most challenging relationships you can experience.  With it comes a rollercoaster of emotions.   You have the choice to let the rollercoaster control you and give you the ride of your life!!
 

Or, you control it and determine when and how you’re going to take the ride.  Of course, some ups and downs are inevitable.   But it’s up to you to determine how to cope/deal with the inevitables.

I learned the best way to control some of the emotions was to change my focus.  Too much negative focus on your Bae is enough to ruin your day literally.  He/she is not there and not coming as soon as you’d like.  This means he/she can’t help you out physically in any way, shape, form, or fashion.  This means you can’t talk to him/her when you feel like it.  This means you can’t visit when you want.  I could go on and on.  And these are literally the thoughts that consumed my mind at one time until I had an epiphany and realized, “Alright now girl!!  This is not going to get it!!”
I had to Boss TF Up or this thing was going to beat me tf down!!


So, what are you going to do?

How about joining me on January 18, 2020 at 7:00 pm cst so we can Boss TF Up for 2020!!

If you haven’t signed up, click the button below to receive updates!

Ready 2 Boss TF Up

We Made It!! Fourteen Years Through the Wall!!

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Wowwww!!!! What a day!!!! We Made it!!! Our family has been waiting for this day like forever!! So by now you already know my husband was sentenced to 22.5 years in prison. Due to a change in the law, All Drugs Minus Two orchestrated by Families Against Mandatory Minimums ~ FAMM, his sentence was reduced!!  He’ll get even less halfway house time due to the First Step Act also one of FAMM’s initiatives. 

One More Day and A Wake Up! 

So let me rewind to how we prepared for this day. I had a tough decision to make…Did I want to pick my husband up alone and let this be our moment, or did I want to include the rest of our family to witness this day we’ve all been waiting for? You know, I love my Mom and Dad!! I can honestly say we were truly blessed to have their support throughout this whole ordeal. I may be my husband’s ride or die but they are my ride or dies!! For real!!  For real!!! I’ve met so many prison wives who don’t have the support of their family which makes the journey even more difficult.

When the day was approaching, my mom told me she wanted to go. I knew my son wanted to go, but my emotionless daughter (she gets it from her momma… lol) put up a front like she didn’t want to go. Of course I knew better. My dad, well,  now that I’m thinking about it his reaction is emotionless too! So, I really had no clue if he wanted to go or not.

Deep down My Mister wanted me to come alone but when I told him my mom wanted to be there he was like ok! Well, we can’t say no to Ma and Dad! Our time is coming.

My nervousness had calmed down the closer the day got to my husband being released. Me and the kids packed everything he needed for the halfway house the night before. We did the best we could guesstimating since we didn’t know his actual size and packed some foods we thought he’d like. I told my daughters I felt like I was packing for a college dorm room! They stayed awake while I tried to get some sleep. Our communication had been cut off for three days. So all I could do was imagine how he was feeling knowing he would be free the next morning.

The Wake Up!

We woke up at 4:00 am to get ready for our new beginnings!! We arrived thirty minutes early at the prison. I can’t believe he had the nerve to tell me he wanted me there thirty minutes early because he thought I might be late!! Really Bae, Really? Did he really not know how long I’ve waited for this day?!?!  Did he really think I would be late for his freedom?

Once we arrived, we sat in the truck all giddy.  We passed the time by cracking on each other, laughing, and trying to predict how all of this was going to play out.   We started to question should we just continue to sit or do we let the Base workers know that we were there to pick up someone being released. I couldn’t take any chances messing anything up so I walked to the guard and she told me to be looking out for a van that would come to our parking lot to drop my husband off.

It’s now 7:45 am!! We only had 15 more minutes!! Every white van that drove by had us nervous!! We would watch the van pull up, get nervous and excited, and then watch the van drive off the base. This went on for the next 30 mins. We finally saw a van pull up and turn into our parking lot!! I think we all went silent for a few seconds as we watched the van pull into the parking lot and the doors fly open!!

Free At Last!!

Oh My God!!! Oh My God!!! One man stepped out the van with his gear and then my Mister stepped out!!!!! We ran through the rain and well you can check it out for yourself below.

 

One of the best parts was surprising my husband with his daughter who he was literally talking to on facetime but had no idea she was facetiming him from the car!

The entire day was so surreal!! Just having my husband in the car with us was “weird” as my son says but in a good way!! When he got in the car he pulled out his mp3 player for us to hear a song that got him through his tough days. It was so cute because he really was adamant about getting an aux cord to hook this mp3 player up. We started trying to think of ways to make this thing work and then it hit us! Just tell us the name of the song. We can pull it up on our phone and play My Testimony by Marvin Sapp. We listened to the words as he sang along with it. Then I shared my get through song, Praise is What I Do by William Murphy.

The rest of the ride was good conversation, facetime reunites, extended hugs and kisses we couldn’t share at visit until my son sat between us!! It was good to see and hear pure joy as My Mister took in his new freedom!!

If you have an incarcerated loved one, keep the faith!!  Don’t give up on them!!  Be their voice when you have to!! And in the words of my favorite song:

I vow to praise You
Through the good and the bad
I’ll praise You
Whether happy or sad
I’ll praise You
In all that I go through
Because praise is what I do
‘Cause I owe it all to You