For the Lives of Prison Wives

For the Lives of Prison Wives

In for the Long Haul! From My Pen Pal to My Husband. . .

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I met my husband through a Christian pen pal ministry 15+ years ago. I was given the name and info. Unbeknownst of one the most loving, caring Godly men I know, which would take my life in a very unexpected direction.

                                                      

When I first came across his name I had no interest in any relationship and it was strongly advised not to get involved beyond ministry and support. Funny how love has a way of creeping into our lives! After a few months of corresponding by letter, then came pictures then phone conversations. Over time I was able to see how loving, kind and Godly he is.

I don’t think I really realized truly what I was walking into,15+ years ago as I became more and more in love with this man I am convinced only God brought into my life. I didn’t know Federal prisoners were moved around often from state to state, which means over the years MANY cross country trips from California to wherever he is located (usually on the East coast), at times with no guarantee he would be allowed a visit. I have made a few trips ending with no visit,..heartbreaking! In all this, I found it could be a few months between visits, or YEARS!

                                                 

Over the years we have endured many ups and downs with the ultimate jolt being my diagnosis of cancer in June of 2019. We were blessed by the Lord of my healing and remission after a few months. It was hard for both of us not being together to tackle that hurdle together as it truly tested our love and commitment to each other as well as to the Lord!

Neither of us thought in the beginning that a chance encounter through pen pal letters would go this far, and it’s truly not the “norm” when meeting an inmate with 19 years to go! We now have 4 1/2 years to go until we can FINALLY start our lives together, though he is facing deportation in the end…another hurdle! We’re ready! And by the grace of God, we are looking forward to a long happy life together.

We never know where or when love will strike, and many people have asked (inappropriate) questions, as to why or how I am enduring this journey. This definitely requires a strong commitment, self-awareness, a supportive personal life, and strong faith in God.

To any other women who find themselves on this unique journey, I pray you keep the strength, love (of self also) and faith to get you through this, if you are truly with the right man it will last!!

Dry your tears Sis!! It’s time to Boss TF Up!! Fr!!

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Yes, I said it!!  Yes, the Prayers of a Prison Wife Author!!  Guess what?  I had to tell myself the same thing!!  Boss TF Up!! Like Uncle Steve Harvey says, God still workin’ on me.   So, sometimes you just gotta say what needs to be said.  Lol
There’s no way to get through this by staying down and out!!  It’s not good for you or your Bae, your Boo, Your Snookums… Whatever you call your Loved One.  It ain’t good!!
A prison relationship is one of the most challenging relationships you can experience.  With it comes a rollercoaster of emotions.   You have the choice to let the rollercoaster control you and give you the ride of your life!!
 

Or, you control it and determine when and how you’re going to take the ride.  Of course, some ups and downs are inevitable.   But it’s up to you to determine how to cope/deal with the inevitables.

I learned the best way to control some of the emotions was to change my focus.  Too much negative focus on your Bae is enough to ruin your day literally.  He/she is not there and not coming as soon as you’d like.  This means he/she can’t help you out physically in any way, shape, form, or fashion.  This means you can’t talk to him/her when you feel like it.  This means you can’t visit when you want.  I could go on and on.  And these are literally the thoughts that consumed my mind at one time until I had an epiphany and realized, “Alright now girl!!  This is not going to get it!!”
I had to Boss TF Up or this thing was going to beat me tf down!!


So, what are you going to do?

How about joining me on January 18, 2020 at 7:00 pm cst so we can Boss TF Up for 2020!!

If you haven’t signed up, click the button below to receive updates!

Ready 2 Boss TF Up

Life After Prison

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I can’t believe it’s almost been eight months since my husband has been released!    What has life after prison been like?! …We’ve used this time for us to reconnect which involves soooo much!!  We’ve been learning each other all over.  Over the last 14.5 years, we’ve grown together through the wall.  Now we’re learning and growing on the free side.  We all have had to adjust to each other’s personalities, habits, space, etc.  My biggest challenge everyday is feeding my greedy family!!  We all have pretty big appetites!!

 

At times, it’s still a surreal feeling!  I think it became a habit for me to say and think to myself, “I wish my husband was here.” Then, I’m like, Oh, wait he is here! lol

                                                          

Of course, the time seems to be moving faster now that he’s home.  I can honestly say the transition from prison to home has been way smoother than I expected.  I know that’s because of the many days and nights of preparing with prayer.  Of course, we have still had our moments. Some of the toughest times during this transition so far was when he was at the halfway house.  This post is not to get into that but trust, it’s coming.  

One thing I have managed to do is write a book of prayers that I prayed to help get us through this situation. I added a brief summary of situations that led to each prayer and threw in some pages for you to write your own thoughts and prayers. My hope is that this book will help others that are in the situation.  I’m so grateful to have received such positive feedback from the book!!  Many wives, fiancées, and, girlfriends have even sent copies to their significant others.  When writing “Prayers of a Prison Wife” I had just what the title says in mind, “prayers for a prison wife.”  I’ve learned that God had more people than “prison wives” when He filtered these prayers through me.  I’m thankful that it’s touching all lives.

Yes, this part of our journey is now over.  It’s been a part of me for soooo long, that I’ll never forget it!  I don’t want to forget it!  It’s helped to make me ME!  I didn’t know how Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.™ I truly was until I found my strength with God’s help. And that is the positive that has come from this journey!!   I’ll always remember the PW journey!!  I’ll never forget the many emotions that went along with it.  That’s why I couldn’t walk away without helping other Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.™  Loyal Ladies get through this PW thing!!  Now, we’re on the transitioning journey!!  Whew Chile!! lol…

                                                             

I’ll tell y’all about it one day soon!  Issa journey too!! lol How can it not be when someone’s away from society for years? The sooner you start preparing for life after prison with your Loved One the better.  And no I’m not speaking of just physically, I’m speaking mental preparation.  Seriously though, I’m proud of all of us!!

In the meanwhile…check out the book deets below!!   
Stay Strong. Beautiful. Unbothered.™

Oh, the support group isn’t going anywhere!!   For the Lives of Prison Wives ~ Loyal Ladies

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When Things Get Hot in the Kitchen

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Hello I’m a prison wife, I’m telling my story on how I met my husband to be. In 2018, I applied for a food service job at a prison. During orientation we were told the do’s and dont’s of the job. Some of us listened while some of us didn’t.  Who knew it would get “hot in the kitchen?”

I was one of the ones who listened and had every intention of just going to work to get a pay check. Here I was a single woman that hadn’t been with anyone for three years.  Now all of the sudden I’m working around hundreds of men!  Unfortunately but fortunately, there was one man that caught my eye.    As soon as he walked in we locked eyes which made me feel wanted again, he gave me butterflies, I couldn’t stop thinking about this man!  I told my best friend about him and I started to pick up all the overtime I could just to be around this man.  After talking to him, I eventually found out that his feelings were mutual even though he was much younger than me. That didn’t matter and I still fell head over heals for him. For him my age didn’t matter he loved me for me and I didn’t care that he was in prison. I loved him for him! He made me feel happy, wanted, and like a woman. He never told me things I wanted to hear only things I needed to hear.  Things to make me better.

I never thought it was possible to love again. He easily broke that wall down. It was something about him, he was hungry for my attention so I gave it all to him but we had to be careful because it could have gotten us in trouble. We talked when we could. I remember the first time we kissed it sent butterflies in my stomach but it only lasted a couple of seconds because we didn’t want to get caught.

We were always sneaking around every chance that was given until one day I was pulled into the office and told that I was being watched. I was asked questions about my lover.  I was asked if I was having relations with him. I denied everything to keep my job and to see him. Sometimes I wondered if I was crazy.  My best friend told me I was crazy! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be dating a 32 year old african american prisoner.  I am a 47 years old caucasian woman. He is still serving time. Some of my co-workers gave me a hard time about our relationship and of course rumors were going around. I didn’t pay them any attention, all I wanted was to be around him even if it was across the kitchen. He was more than just a prisoner to me and I was more than just a woman to him.

I spent many of times in the officeI being questionned by administration. I just kept denying everything. My co- workers liked my man and they would try to pick fights with me to get me to quit my job. I just ignored all of it. There were other co-workers that were sneaking around also but I was the only one being watched. I ended up purchasing a prepaid phone with different number so that we could talk without it getting traced. We talked a lot when I wasn’t working. My man ended up getting caught with marijuana.  They sent him to the hole and they investigated me which led to me being terminated.

It was two months before I heard from him again. When I finally did he said they were moving him to another prison. We wrote letters back and forth for two more months. Finally, he called! I was so happy to hear his voice that I cried. From there on out we talked on the phone. I never forgot about him and he never forgot about me.

In the beginning of 2019 he put me on his visitation list and now I go visit him twice a month. We have talked for awhile about getting married since our love for each other has grown so strong over the year.  We have had a lot of struggles during this process and it has cost us a lot of money.  Neverthlesss, next month, we will be getting married!! It’s not the wedding we have dreamed of because he is still in prison but we want to make our love known to each other. After we get married we are hoping to start the process of him being released.  To be continued …

We Made It!! Fourteen Years Through the Wall!!

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Wowwww!!!! What a day!!!! We Made it!!! Our family has been waiting for this day like forever!! So by now you already know my husband was sentenced to 22.5 years in prison. Due to a change in the law, All Drugs Minus Two orchestrated by Families Against Mandatory Minimums ~ FAMM, his sentence was reduced!!  He’ll get even less halfway house time due to the First Step Act also one of FAMM’s initiatives. 

One More Day and A Wake Up! 

So let me rewind to how we prepared for this day. I had a tough decision to make…Did I want to pick my husband up alone and let this be our moment, or did I want to include the rest of our family to witness this day we’ve all been waiting for? You know, I love my Mom and Dad!! I can honestly say we were truly blessed to have their support throughout this whole ordeal. I may be my husband’s ride or die but they are my ride or dies!! For real!!  For real!!! I’ve met so many prison wives who don’t have the support of their family which makes the journey even more difficult.

When the day was approaching, my mom told me she wanted to go. I knew my son wanted to go, but my emotionless daughter (she gets it from her momma… lol) put up a front like she didn’t want to go. Of course I knew better. My dad, well,  now that I’m thinking about it his reaction is emotionless too! So, I really had no clue if he wanted to go or not.

Deep down My Mister wanted me to come alone but when I told him my mom wanted to be there he was like ok! Well, we can’t say no to Ma and Dad! Our time is coming.

My nervousness had calmed down the closer the day got to my husband being released. Me and the kids packed everything he needed for the halfway house the night before. We did the best we could guesstimating since we didn’t know his actual size and packed some foods we thought he’d like. I told my daughters I felt like I was packing for a college dorm room! They stayed awake while I tried to get some sleep. Our communication had been cut off for three days. So all I could do was imagine how he was feeling knowing he would be free the next morning.

The Wake Up!

We woke up at 4:00 am to get ready for our new beginnings!! We arrived thirty minutes early at the prison. I can’t believe he had the nerve to tell me he wanted me there thirty minutes early because he thought I might be late!! Really Bae, Really? Did he really not know how long I’ve waited for this day?!?!  Did he really think I would be late for his freedom?

Once we arrived, we sat in the truck all giddy.  We passed the time by cracking on each other, laughing, and trying to predict how all of this was going to play out.   We started to question should we just continue to sit or do we let the Base workers know that we were there to pick up someone being released. I couldn’t take any chances messing anything up so I walked to the guard and she told me to be looking out for a van that would come to our parking lot to drop my husband off.

It’s now 7:45 am!! We only had 15 more minutes!! Every white van that drove by had us nervous!! We would watch the van pull up, get nervous and excited, and then watch the van drive off the base. This went on for the next 30 mins. We finally saw a van pull up and turn into our parking lot!! I think we all went silent for a few seconds as we watched the van pull into the parking lot and the doors fly open!!

Free At Last!!

Oh My God!!! Oh My God!!! One man stepped out the van with his gear and then my Mister stepped out!!!!! We ran through the rain and well you can check it out for yourself below.

 

One of the best parts was surprising my husband with his daughter who he was literally talking to on facetime but had no idea she was facetiming him from the car!

The entire day was so surreal!! Just having my husband in the car with us was “weird” as my son says but in a good way!! When he got in the car he pulled out his mp3 player for us to hear a song that got him through his tough days. It was so cute because he really was adamant about getting an aux cord to hook this mp3 player up. We started trying to think of ways to make this thing work and then it hit us! Just tell us the name of the song. We can pull it up on our phone and play My Testimony by Marvin Sapp. We listened to the words as he sang along with it. Then I shared my get through song, Praise is What I Do by William Murphy.

The rest of the ride was good conversation, facetime reunites, extended hugs and kisses we couldn’t share at visit until my son sat between us!! It was good to see and hear pure joy as My Mister took in his new freedom!!

If you have an incarcerated loved one, keep the faith!!  Don’t give up on them!!  Be their voice when you have to!! And in the words of my favorite song:

I vow to praise You
Through the good and the bad
I’ll praise You
Whether happy or sad
I’ll praise You
In all that I go through
Because praise is what I do
‘Cause I owe it all to You

 

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