For the Lives of Prison Wives

For the Lives of Prison Wives

While the First Step Act is Stalled, the Fight for Our Families Continue

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As the summer comes to an end, I can’t help but reflect back on a trip that has truly opened my eyes even more to the injustices of the justice system and will forever be with me.  My children had the opportunity to share a quick glimpse of there life without their dad due to incarceration.  Let me put out this disclaimer before I get started.  Yes, their father committed a crime and in no way am I saying he didn’t deserve the time.  I am saying, and several other families affected by these extremely harsh sentences, are saying is  just that…the sentences are extremely harsh!!  If you do the crime do the time, but does the time fit the crime?!? 

But guess what?  This trip was not about the time fitting the crime.  Yes, families would love to hear that Congress has taken steps to reform sentencing.  However, this trip was to advocate for small changes, first steps, that would make a huge difference in the lives of those affected by incarceration.  Take a look at some of those actions:

Adjusts good time credit calculation 

Requires BOP to put lower-risk, lower-needs people in home confinement

Requires the BOP to place prisoners within 500 driving miles, not air miles, of home

Reforms the BOP’s compassionate release process

Authorizes $50 million in funding per year for 5 years

Gives incentives to prisoners who cannot earn time credits for completing rehabilitative programs

Requires BOP to help people get government identification

Reauthorizes an elderly prisoner early release pilot program

Bans shackling of pregnant women

Expands Federal Prison Industries

Requires BOP to expand programs quickly

Click the link for more details of the First Step Act

On July 11th and 12th I heard so many unbelievable stories of famililes that are struggling from day to day as they try to make their lives as normal as possible.  But for once, we were able to sit and talk freely with out worrying about judgment from people who just simply don’t understand because they haven’t experienced this life.  We were able to compare stories, give advice, listen to advice, give each other hope all while fighting for just treatment for our loved ones.  That’s all we’re asking for.  Just and humane treatment!  

There were familes that represented each one of the actions mentioned in the First Step Act.  From those affected by distance, to the gutwrenching stories of being shackled while bringing life into the world to dieing alone without having loved ones by your side after they fought and fought for Compassionate Release.

From being given freedom after a sentence reduction, to getting that freedom snatched from you after re-entering society based on a “mistake” the system made even after living up to the expectations society has put in place after overcoming the many obstacles felons face after release.  From hearing how my kids (who represent several children of incarcerated parents) are affected from the absence of a father  to hearing a man that was once a child missing his father and is now that man that my son hopes he doesn’t have to be … A man that missed his father as a child that continues to miss his father as a man.

 

From a daughter who misses her father and yearns to have a relationship outside of prison walls to a grown woman and her family fighting to get her father home to be by his side while his health is quickly deteriorating.  From wives and significant others that couldn’t do anything but let go and cry because they have to lives as strong women and they were simply tired of being strong to mothers trying to decide the best time to talk to their children about their incarcerated parent.   

Just remember as your reading, these are not just stories…these are lives.  But not only were there stories of hurt but there were also stories of hope!  Stories of those that were incarcerated, or who have family members who are/have been incarcerated that have now devoted their lives to helping those incarcerated.  From those who have a learned to use their gift to help others all while expressing their pain to those that are demonstrating through their everyday lives that incarceration doesn’t have to hinder you, it can be used to heighten you.

After hearing the many stories at FAMM’s (Families Against Mandatory Minimums) “Families for Justice Reform Now Rally”, we were able to unwind as we had dinner together at one of DC’s infamous spots, Busboys and Poets.  I learned that this was the restaurant that President Obama invited a few former inmates that received clemency under his administration. Talking and laughter filled the room, and we had a good time for our loved ones.  We never forgot them, as this was about them.  My son’s 13th birthday was that day!  He was surprised with singing and a birthday cupcake from our FAMMilies.  After dinner ended, we were quickly reminded of our big day that was ahead of us as lobbyists.

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On the morning of July 12th, we boarded the bus and traveled to the U.S. Capitol.  After signing in, we were led to a room for training and then divided into groups by the state which we were from.  For many of us, this was a first.  We joined our team leader a traveled through the Capitol to have our first meeting with our US Senators Richard Shelby’s Staffers and our Second meeting with Senator Doug Jones.

 

 Of course, there was some nervousness being that we didn’t quited know what to expect.  We entered each of their offices and were led to a table where we took turns lobbying for the First Step Act.  We all shared our stories and concerns in hopes of making enough of an impact for our elected officials to at least take a look and consider the First Step Act, and to remember our stories and the many we were there representing that are like us.  We won’t know how much of an impact was made until the First Step Act is brought to the Senate Floor.

 

The First Step Act passed the House of  Representatives with an overwhelming 360 “yes” votes and 59 “no” votes!  Thanks to the many congrassmen and women like Senator Rand Paul (R-KY),  Representative Bobby Scott, Representative Doug Collins (R-GA) and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI). The passing of the First Step Act demonstrates that there is a great need for criminal justice reform being that this act had major bipartisan support.   As of today, the First Step Act is at a halt in the Senate due to Senate Leadership and the Department of Justice, particularly, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, being opposed to this minimal but major reform.  While the First Step Act is stalled, the fight for our families continue!

 

With that said, I’d like to thank FAMM Families Against Mandatory Minimums for all they’ve done and continue to do in the fight for our incarcerted loved ones.

10 Reasons Prison Visits Make The Mister Woosah

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So I asked The Mister to come up with his 10 reasons prison visits make him “woosah”… my words.   He didn’t think he could get a good five but here’s what he came up with.  He asked me to “spice it up” but I decided just to give his words.

1. Getting away from all these dudes.

2. Seeing the people who love me.

3.  Being in my honey’s arms.

4.  Seeing how much my offspring have grown.

5.  Enjoying good meaningful conversations.

6.  Eating my chicken wings.

7.  Just being away from all the prison politics and activities.

8.  Feeling like me again.

9.  Being able to tell my wife how beautiful she is.

10.  Confessing my love and gratitude for my wife.

10 Reasons Prison Visits Make Prison Wives Woosah from the Mrs.

After reading his list and seeing how similar our lists are I couldn’t help but laugh.  Prison Visits are EVERYTHING to both family/friends of the incarcerated and to the incarcerated loved one.  It allows us the opportunity to just simply be us!

10 Reasons Prison Visits Make Prison Wives Woosah

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For Prison Wives prison visits are our WOOSAH!  Going days, months, and years for some without seeing our loved one is enough to drive both of us insane if you let it. Please don’t let it!  And to think, that a lot of prisons are turning to video visits is unbelievable!  The only little bit of normalcy we have left is being threatened.  To go without human contact physically is inhumane and is no way rehabilitative. But anyway, while we still have our visits, these are just some of the reasons prison visits mean so much to us! If you’re a PW add what the visits mean to you in the comments.

  1. We get to see our loved one walk through the doors with the biggest kool-aid smile ever!

2.  We get to talk about all those things we’ve been waiting to say (good, bad, and/or ugly) and can’t say because of recorded calls.  Some things are just better said in person.

3.  We get to have unlimited conversations that aren’t cut short because of the rude woman that jumps in and then has the nerve to disconnect the call right when the conversation is getting good!

4.  We get to be in the arms of the person we love and experience the long-awaited best 5 minutes (ok, I think five minutes may be pushing it) before and at the end of visit.

5.  We get to take care of our Baes by preparing the best vending machine entree fresh out the microwave, served on paper napkins topped off with nice vending cold drink!  If we get lucky, we may be able to feed it to him.

6.  We get to breathe the same air, be in the same space,and just simply enjoy each other’s presence.

7.  We even appreciate the little moments of silence together if there is a moment.

8.  We get to have the burden of “holding it all down” lifted  for that moment

9.  We get to listen to each other’s innermost thoughts and feelings that lies beneath the exterior that the world sees.

10.  We get to be a normal, loving couple…

10 Reasons Prison Visits Make The Mister Woosah

I Love You But I Don’t Know You

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Last week it was my daughter and my husband beefing. This week it’s my son and my husband. Now, as I mentioned before, when they were younger it was all good. But now that they are teens, and able to make their own decisions, my husband expects them to communicate with him more. Well, they are so caught up in their friends and own lives that they don’t make the time to do it.  The Mr. doesn’t want to hear the “I was busy” story.

I always know when they’re upset with the Mr. because they come to me with this pitiful looks on their face and phone in their hand ready to “tell”  on their dad. It’s funny because he’s already talked to me and we’re on the same page by time they get to me.  I have to remind them that he’s not here so he’s missing being here with them and seeing them grow up.  He’s looking at this as if they can be on their phone throughout most of the day texting friends and playing games then they should be able to send a simple text.

I guess since life is at a standstill in there, sometimes I don’t think the Mister realizes or forgets how fast-paced life is out here.  And before you know it, the day has gone without saying something.  I don’t know, of course, we I don’t go a day without checking in but I’m also not a child.  I know in order for us to make it communication is major.  But for my kids, especially my son, they really don’t know each other.

I love you but I don’t know you

I was pregnant with my son when the Mister was locked up.  So no matter how much I try to force the relationship, I had to come to the realization that they love each other but they don’t know each other.  My son can’t wait for the day his dad will be home!  But at this moment, he doesn’t really know him.  I had to really take a moment and listen to my husband explain his feelings to me.  In the beginning, I became defensive because I want them to have a normal relationship.  But after talking to my mom about it, she told me I need to hear what he’s saying and not get upset about it.  This is just a result of the circumstance.  It’s not intentional.  But to hear my husband say he does better with text because he doesn’t always know what to say I was like wow… this is really deeper than I thought!   I never thought about him being at a lost for words.  Especially since he’s a talker.  He wants to say more but he doesn’t know what to say all the time.

Now when they’re together, they’re able to have decent conversations.  One thing the two of them bond over are movies.  So that will be their thing when he gets here.  I honestly, don’t know what to expect when he gets here.   My mom suggested that we get family counseling which me and the Mister think is necessary to make the transition less challenging.  Whew…somethings just have to happen when and how they’re going to happen…

My suggestions for those that met their parent behind bars:

  1.  Keep the line of communication open between the child and parent.
  2. With young kids sit down and help them write or email their parent once or twice a month.
  3. Be open to listening to the feelings of the parent and child without being judgmental.
  4. When they become teens…. I don’t have an answer!  LOL!! Still at a lost, had to let it go and let God!
  5. Seek counseling when the parent is released.  Individual counseling for the child before the release may also be helpful.

 

Halfway House Budget Cuts: A Set-Up to Keep Prison Doors Revolving

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Behind the Wall

For the Lives of Prison Wives

Halfway House Budet Cuts: A Set-Up to Keep Prison Doors Revolving

After speaking with my husband this morning, I can no longer sit quietly about the curveball the Federal Bureau of Prisons has thrown to inmates who were prepared to be released to halfway houses.  For those of you that do not know, when a person is sentenced in the federal system he/she must go through a re-entry process, which includes the Release Preparation Program and eventually be placed in a Residential Reentry Center before entering the “free world” again.  These programs are in place to help make the transition back into society less challenging by preparing inmates before they leave prison.  Such benefits of the programs include, possible eligibility for a release gratuity, clothing, money for transportation to destination, exposure to other beneficial resources and most importantly prepares them to be gainfully employed while in the program.

One would think that’s a great way to assist individuals that have been locked away from society, some for most of their adult lives, being that their normal is so far from our normal.  We do know that one day several that are imprisoned for various crimes will eventually walk out of the prison gates.  So why not help them transition effectively?  Why would the BOP decide to cut funding to such a transformational program when the incarceration rate hit record highs over the last decade?

My husband called and first informed me of the BOP budget cut news last month.  Of course, it bothered him because he doesn’t know how it will affect him when it’s time for his release.  But this morning’s call was a little different…He was hurting for one of his cellmates that prepared to go home and had been through the Release Preparation Program, placed in the Residential Reentry Program, submitted all documentation which is a tedious process, shipped all of his belongings home, had a job lined up and family anxiously waiting and preparing for his arrival to receive a letter that abruptly ended it all!!  The half-way house he was assigned to is scheduled to be closed!!…. Just let that sink in…3 weeks away from freedom!!  Do you know what that can do to someone’s psyche?? He now has to do another 8 months.  His family that needs his love, physical and financial support now has to wait another 8 months.

So much can happen in 8 months, in prison and in the “free” world.  A person’s mind has to be in a certain space and place to do prison time and not let the prison time do him/her.  No, I haven’t done prison time but I understand my husband’s struggles to the best of my ability.  For my family, a difference in 8 months is a matter of the kids being able to spend time with their father their last year of high school or him not being able to be there to spend that year with them and see them graduate. That’s major!! Especially since he hasn’t been here from kindergarten through tenth grade!! If the BOP has incentive programs in place such as Halfway Houses and home confinement to help lower the recidivism rate, then why not utilize the programs to their full extent?

I can only imagine what the family is going through.  We got a taste of it as we waited to hear a response from the Clemency 2014 Project.  This is not an attempt to minimize the crimes that were committed.  However, the time has been served according to Former President George Bush’s Second Chance Act. The Second Chance Act was signed into law in 2008 with bipartisan support.  And to all my “if you do the crime, do the time people,”  there are many people in prison that were harshly sentenced due to mandatory minimums.  Therefore, the time really has been served if the the system was just.

Now, there is another option available if halfway houses are being closed.  However, that option is not being utilized. Why not put those who have already gone through the RPP on home confinement?  The same stipulations as the RRP still apply.  Therefore, those released to home confinement are no more a “threat to society” than those in a halfway house.

I applaud Jay-Z and Van Jones touching on a few criminal justice reform issues on CNN’s Van Jones Show.  There’s so much that needs reforming but to cut a program that will reduce the recidivism rate will be detrimental to society.  It’s a setup to send released inmates right back to prison because they don’t have the necessities they need to survive. When inmates are finally released, they still will be faced with probation, in many cases, which can last years and can be easily violated.   Probation is an issue that Jay-Z brought to the forefront that has led to Meek Mill’s current incarceration.   The same support that is given to Meek Mills is the same support that’s needed to get Congress’s attention to review and retract the decision to make Budget Cuts to Halfway Houses.  If budget cuts had to be made, did they have to be made to an area so significant to the success of newly released individuals?  For more info, check out the NPR article,
Prisoners Face Uncertainty As Number Of Halfway Houses Are Cut.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]

Write your Congressman or Congresswoman to voice your concerns about halfway house closures.