Behind the Wall

Let me tell you it’s such a surreal feeling every time I see My Little Princess, hell after serving 11 1/2 years of a 22 1/2 year sentence in federal prison you would understand exactly what I mean. Understand that when I was arrested she was 2 month’s shy of turning 3 years old but you would never know that if you were an outsider seeing us together. Out of all my kids, she and I are the closest, it’s not that I love her more than any of my other children, it’s that for the short time I was actually physically in her life, she was the only child I had the opportunity to spend my days and nights with, changed pampers and fixed bottles for. I used to get lost for hours with my Princess, I prided myself in being a good dad, taking her to her hair appointment’s, as well as our weekly trips to the mall’s to keep daddy’s little girl looking picture perfect. I miss those days, they cloud my mind every single day. Now because of my poor decisions and allowing my euphoric feelings to cloud my better judgment I am serving prison time. You never understand how much all the little moments mean until they are taken away or you are no longer able to participate in them. I have missed everything you can imagine a 3 year old doing until now, My Princess being the age of 14. Instead I wake every single morning now in a Low Security Prison surrounding by 1900 other men, much so in similar situation but very different realities!
My bad decisions have really affected my family and in doing so I have subjected them all to this life, it pains me deeply but I will say I don’t have an ordinary family, in fact more good has come out of this whole situation than anyone could imagine or try. Throughout all these years I have been able to witness my Princess blossom from a little girl skipping around the visiting room, to a young lady, catering to her daddy and having grown folk conversations. I tell my wife all the time what a wonderful job she is doing with her and my son, now my son that’s another story to come, he’s his unique self! Things could change for me real soon, still only time will tell, My Princess is now in High School, we talk about everything and I mean everything. When she talks about boys, I just tell her, sweetie, you have been raised right and taught to be responsible, so we trust you to make the best decisions and we are always in your corner. All I can do from behind these prison walls is be the best dad I am capable of being to deter any of my kids from making poor decisions that can affect their lives in the long run. We all agree that no matter what our situation or circumstances are, we all want what’s best for our children, I know I do. My happiest days are the days I am with my family, it’s the only time in here you can feel normal, those are the people whom love you completely, had my mind been in a rational place instead of in the streets I would have learned that over a decade ago. We live, we learn but we have to be willing to. My daughter has taught me so much, she is the only person that can just say daddy and I listen, whenever I do get home things will be different but don’t worry Princess Daddy got this….