Last week it was my daughter and my husband beefing. This week it’s my son and my husband. Now, as I mentioned before, when they were younger it was all good. But now that they are teens, and able to make their own decisions, my husband expects them to communicate with him more. Well, they are so caught up in their friends and own lives that they don’t make the time to do it.  The Mr. doesn’t want to hear the “I was busy” story.

I always know when they’re upset with the Mr. because they come to me with this pitiful looks on their face and phone in their hand ready to “tell”  on their dad. It’s funny because he’s already talked to me and we’re on the same page by time they get to me.  I have to remind them that he’s not here so he’s missing being here with them and seeing them grow up.  He’s looking at this as if they can be on their phone throughout most of the day texting friends and playing games then they should be able to send a simple text.

I guess since life is at a standstill in there, sometimes I don’t think the Mister realizes or forgets how fast-paced life is out here.  And before you know it, the day has gone without saying something.  I don’t know, of course, we I don’t go a day without checking in but I’m also not a child.  I know in order for us to make it communication is major.  But for my kids, especially my son, they really don’t know each other.

I love you but I don’t know you

I was pregnant with my son when the Mister was locked up.  So no matter how much I try to force the relationship, I had to come to the realization that they love each other but they don’t know each other.  My son can’t wait for the day his dad will be home!  But at this moment, he doesn’t really know him.  I had to really take a moment and listen to my husband explain his feelings to me.  In the beginning, I became defensive because I want them to have a normal relationship.  But after talking to my mom about it, she told me I need to hear what he’s saying and not get upset about it.  This is just a result of the circumstance.  It’s not intentional.  But to hear my husband say he does better with text because he doesn’t always know what to say I was like wow… this is really deeper than I thought!   I never thought about him being at a lost for words.  Especially since he’s a talker.  He wants to say more but he doesn’t know what to say all the time.

Now when they’re together, they’re able to have decent conversations.  One thing the two of them bond over are movies.  So that will be their thing when he gets here.  I honestly, don’t know what to expect when he gets here.   My mom suggested that we get family counseling which me and the Mister think is necessary to make the transition less challenging.  Whew…somethings just have to happen when and how they’re going to happen…

My suggestions for those that met their parent behind bars:

1.  Keep the line of communication open between the child and parent.
2. With young kids sit down and help them write or email their parent once or twice a month.
3. Be open to listening to the feelings of the parent and child without being judgmental.
4. When they become teens…. I don’t have an answer!  LOL!! Still at a lost, had to let it go and let God!
5. Seek counseling when the parent is released.  Individual counseling for the child before the release may also be helpful.